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Close But No Cigar Lyrics by Smashy Claw

Twenty-Six and a Half: A Tribute to Weird Al Yankovic

2011

[Verse 1]
Jillian was her name
She was sweeter than aspartame
Her kisses reconfigured my DNA
And after that I never was the same
And I loved her even more
Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
She was gorgeous, she was charming
Yeah, she was perfect in every way
Except she was always using the word "infer"
When she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing
But frankly, I can't imagine why

[Chorus]
And I told her, I said
"Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey?
No, I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
But no cigar!"

[Verse 2]
Then I met sweet young Janet
Prettiest thing on the planet
Had a body hotter than a habanero
She had lips like a ripe pomegranate
And I was crazy like Manson about her
She got me all choked up like Mama Cass
She had a smile so incredibly radiant
You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass
I thought after all these years of searching around
I'd found my soulmate finally
But one day I found out she actually owned a copy
Of Joe Dirt on DVD




[Chorus]
Oh, no! I said
"Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo?
No, I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
Oh, so very close! (Close!)
Yeah, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"

[Bridge]
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(ALL RIGHT!)

[Verse 3]
Julie played water polo
She wore a ribbon on her left Manolo
She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near
My heart was beating like a Buddy Rich solo
And she was everything I've dreamed of
She moved right up to number one on my list
And did I mention she's a world famous billionaire
Bikini supermodel astrophysicist?
Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron
Look like a big fat slobbering pig
The only caveat is one of her earlobes
Was just a little tiny bit too big




[Chorus]
I said
"Hey! Are we doing government work here?
No, I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
So very, very close! (Close!)
Aaw, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"

[Outro]
Missed it by that much! (No cigar!)
Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (No cigar!)
Really, really, really close!
But no cigar!
Credits
Smashy Claw

Smashy Claw

About “Close But No Cigar” by Smashy Claw

Read the complete lyrics to "Close But No Cigar" by Smashy Claw from the album "Twenty-Six and a Half: A Tribute to Weird Al Yankovic" in 2011. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Rock.

"Close But No Cigar" is performed by Smashy Claw. from the album "Twenty-Six and a Half: A Tribute to Weird Al Yankovic" in 2011 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Close But No Cigar", explore more songs by Smashy Claw using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

View all songs and biography for Smashy Claw · Trending lyrics · Billboard Hot 100

Frequently asked questions

"Close But No Cigar" is credited to Smashy Claw. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Close But No Cigar" appears on "Twenty-Six and a Half: A Tribute to Weird Al Yankovic" in 2011.

Visit the Smashy Claw artist page at /artist/smashy-claw for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.

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