[Verse 1]
You ever put yourself down just to be more loved?
You ever get three occasions where you just feel shoved
The third wheel in relationships, but you still feel the urge to stay
The dread fills your head as you turn off your phone, hit the hay
Your place as a boyfriend is as fragile as your mental state
And that's just held at gunpoint by your motherfucking bae
It's okay to not be okay, but I wanna help you anyway
My friend might die tonight so I might have to prioritize them over you
But a single text leads me crawling back evеry time, through and through
And while we'rе having a fucking conversation about random shit
I send LOL's and laughing faces but really I'm not in the conversation a slight bit
And before I realize what's going on
I've passed out and it's time for school and it feels wrong
My girlfriend and bestie sending me constant messages through the night
But my lover doesn't talk at school, I know something isn't right
They aren't my partner anymore, they told me by text at 3 AM
I check my phone when I get home and it wasn't them
Could you imagine being dumped via your girl's friend
I was torn, honestly thought this girl was my world
But the news spread around school fast, everyone heard
Apart from my friend, he didn't show up
I thought he might've been sick and took no notice
And by the next week, I'd had enough
He didn't come in Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
So I asked him on discord if he was aight
I got no response, he wasn't online
I waited, and waited, for hours at a time
He went online and I was marked as seen
So I asked him how he was doing again
Hoping that he would respond quick
No response, so I asked if he had been sick
He didn't respond, and within minutes I got blocked
"Maybe he just hates me for some reason" I just thought
So I cried myself to sleep, I lost two friends that week
And to the rest of my friends, I didn't even want to speak
And when I left, they called that shit peak
[Verse 2]
But nothing could have prepared me for tomorrow
Everyone seemed sad, for what reason I didn't know
We got told there would be an assembly today
It seemed quite chill, nothing out of the ordinary
But as my headteacher took her first words it was getting scary
I knew something had happened, she looked like she'd seen someone buried
But I didn't know, that it would actually be me
For my friend last night wasn't the one who didn't want to speak
It was his sister, going through his phone
So his parents didn't see the pretenses of what he said on his own
Because the night I lost my girl was the night I lost him
He said he'd swallow some pills that night, I didn't believe him
Tried to calm him down, and get him to sleep
By the time he went through, I had collapsed in a heap
He had problems with sexuality and getting bullied at school
Never took his situation seriously, I was such a fool
I didn't know how to feel when I heard he went through
Heard his name and people in my form had said 'Who?'
He wasn't a friend to many, but he was a friend to me
I pondered his choice that night when I went to sleep
I never considered opening the book before
He had read every chapter many times I had asked him what for
I decided to open the book and started to read
I know it had lead to the deaths of the rappers that I'd seen
From Juice to Mac Miller, hell, even Lil Peep
This a coping mechanism, I hope it doesn't happen to me
[Instrumental]
[Outro]
It had to be you, why not me?
Goodbye
