[Verse 1: Arin Hanson]
Just inherited this place from my grandpa
Looks pretty chill, livin' simple on this little farm
Stardew Valley's gonna fuckin' rule, so
I'll plant some strawbs and some bloobs
And they'll start to grow
All of my neighbors are a buncha hotties
I'm feelin' like I gotta focus on some more pilates
A Don Quixote-lookin' fucker
Just gave me a key
I use it on the sewer door, what the fuck do I see?
[Chorus: Arin Hanson]
Beautiful Krobus, wonderous Krobus
Never seen a thing as beautiful as you
Shadowy demon, got my dick and balls screaming
Gonna bust a nut and then I'll
Fall into a river of piss now
[Verse 2: Arin Hanson]
Blacked out
Wake up to the show Queen of Sauce
Grabbing feed for my little chickens like a boss
Okay, Marnie's gone for the day
Looks like my little chicken friends are going hungry, but
Cracking gems in this mine's a blast
Holy shit, a motherfucking dragon's flying at me fast
They eat my flesh, I scream and cry and pass out
And right before I shit myself, I think about
[Chorus: Arin Hanson]
Obliterating Krobus, just ravaging Krobus
Aggressive butt-play while I lick that fucker's armpits
Krobus is calling as my body's falling
I hit the ground bawling
Knowing I have a hellspawn that loves me
[Verse 3: Arin Hanson]
Wake up to The Queen of Sauce again
Beat some stupid fuckin' five-year-olds again
I don't care if you're crying
I got a straw hat, bitch
So keep fucking trying
My horse is fuckin' immortal
I think I just saw an alien crawlin' through a portal
This bitch Pierre is making me pull out my hair
'Cause it seems like his shop is always fucking closed
[Verse 4: Arin Hanson]
Passed out, woke up, Queen of fucking Sauce
Every single fucking morning, Queen of fucking Sauce
Tomato is a vegetable? I'm losing my shit
What the fuck is garlic juice?
Guys, I'm losing my shit
My chickens are dead
All I can cook is some bread
If I live another day here, I'ma blow off my head
Now I get why everybody is trauma dumping
I think I'ma end it if I don't find something to—
[Chorus: Arin Hanson]
A message from Krobus
On some very short notice
He is asking if I want to be his wonderful roommate
I'm losing my shit, dude
Wonder if he'll think that it's rude
To ask if he sleeps nude
Not that I'm into that sort of thing
I totally said yes
My life is now the fucking best
Every day, I get to see that fat platinum dumpy
[Interlude: Arin Hanson]
Dear diary, it's been a couple days
And I'm wondering if this was the right decision
Krobus is hot and all, but
He doesn't do anything
The house? It's a mess
And this guy can't even bake
I think I, I think I might have made
A huge mistake
Yours, Arin
[Chorus: Arin Hanson]
Gonna kill Krobus, how does one kill Krobus?
Do you think that sexy bitch is
Susceptible to a handgun?
Just killed Krobus, gotta bury Krobus
Hope nobody sees me burying my sexiest man-slut
Someone saw me digging
The body count is rising
Pretty soon, this town will be a graveyard of fuckers who can't keep their
[Verse 5: Arin Hanson]
Mouths shut, now what
The fuck am I supposed to do here?
New fears creeping in my mind about
Sharing a jail cell with someone
Who's gonna treat me like I treated my old number one
Why the fuck did my grandpa give me this farm?
Did he know that this hellhole would make me do harm?
I'll repent, God, please just give me a sign
And all of the sudden
A light so divine goes
[Chorus: Brian Wecht]
I am your grandpa
I always fucking hated you
I gave you my farm 'cause
I wanted to see you suffer
Now here's the reason that I died
There's a guy I couldn't be inside
I gave up on life when I realized
I could never possess Krobus physically
In my day, an intense physical relationship
Between an old man and a spirit who lives in the sewer
Was frowned upon
[Outro: All]
Dee daba dweeba dah doo
