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How To Raise A Child Lyrics by Stephen Flaherty & Lynn Ahrens

Seussical The Musical Jr.

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[MRS. MAYOR] (singing)
HE WAS MOMMY'S LITTLE BOY.
[MAYOR]
HE WAS DADDY'S LITTLE MAN.
[MAYOR, & MRS. MAYOR]
HE WAS NEVER ANY TROUBLE TILL THIS...
"THINKING THING" BEGAN!
[MAYOR]
WE MUST BOTH LAY DOWN THE LAW.
[MRS. MAYOR]
WILL HE HATE US?
[MAYOR]
MAYBE SO.
[MAYOR, & MRS. MAYOR]
OH, WHERE ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS
ON HOW TO RAISE A CHILD?
WHO HAS THE INSTRUCTIONS
ON HOW TO RAISE A CHILD?
WHO HAS ALL THE ANSWERS?
I DON'T KNOW.
(The CAT pops up and hands them a brochure.)
[MRS. MAYOR] (spoken)
(Reading)
Does your child give you troubles?
Do his grades keep on shrinking?
[MAYOR]
(Reading)
Does he drive teachers wild
With his uncontrolled thinking?
[MAYOR, & MRS. MAYOR]
(Reading)
As a parent, are you
Overwhelmed? Insecure?
The help that you seek
Is inside this brochure!
(An alarm clock goes off, loudly. JOJO's PARENTS put on big, cheerful smiles and wake him.)
[MAYOR] (singing)
IT'S NINE, SON.
RISE AND SHINE, SON.
IT'S A VERY SPECIAL DAY!
[MRS. MAYOR]
GET DRESSED, DEAR.
LOOK YOUR BEST, DEAR.
SOON YOU WILL BE ON YOUR WAY.
[MAYOR]
NOW, HERE IS YOUR PENCIL.
[MRS. MAYOR]
HERE ARE YOUR MITTENS.
[MAYOR, & MRS. MAYOR]
HERE IS YOUR SWORD—
[JOJO] (spoken)
My...sword?
(The CAT IN THE HAT blows a fanfare as GENERAL GENGHIS KHAN SCHMITZ arrives grandly.)
Credits
Stephen Flaherty & Lynn Ahrens

Stephen Flaherty & Lynn Ahrens

About “How To Raise A Child” by Stephen Flaherty & Lynn Ahrens

Read the complete lyrics to "How To Raise A Child" by Stephen Flaherty & Lynn Ahrens from the album "Seussical The Musical Jr.". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music, Musicals.

"How To Raise A Child" is performed by Stephen Flaherty & Lynn Ahrens. from the album "Seussical The Musical Jr." This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "How To Raise A Child", explore more songs by Stephen Flaherty & Lynn Ahrens using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"How To Raise A Child" is credited to Stephen Flaherty & Lynn Ahrens. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"How To Raise A Child" appears on "Seussical The Musical Jr.".

Visit the Stephen Flaherty & Lynn Ahrens artist page at /artist/stephen-flaherty-and-lynn-ahrens for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.