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Lifeboat Lyrics by Steve Taylor

On the Fritz

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Teacher: Good morning, class!
Class: Good morning, Mrs. Aryan
Teacher: Today we're going to play a game!
Class: Yeah!
Teacher: This game is called Lifeboat. All together...
Class: Lifeboat!
Teacher: Good! Lifeboat is a lesson in values clarification. Can you say values clarification?
Class: No
Teacher: Values clarification is where your little minds decide which lives are worth living and which lives are worth...ahem...not living. Now here's how we play. A big ship just sank. There are five people on the lifeboat. But the lifeboat is only made for two. I'll list the five people on the chalkboard, and you, class, will decide which three will be thrown overboard. Are we ready?
Class: Yes, Mrs. Aryan
Teacher: Good! First, there's an old, old crippled grandfather. Second, there's a mentally handicapped person in a wheelchair
Alison: What's mentally handicapped?
Teacher: It means they can never be a productive members of society. Third, there's an overweight woman on welfare, with a sniffling, whimpering baby
Max: Is the baby on welfare, too?
Teacher: Let's not push Mrs. Aryan...
Sydney: Who else is in the boat?
Teacher: A young, white doctor with blue eyes and perfect teeth, and Joan Collins. Now, class, take five minutes to make your decision. ... Times up! Well class?
Class: (singing)
Throw over grandpa 'cause he's getting pretty old
Throw out the baby or we'll all be catching it's cold
Throw over fatty and we'll see if she can float
Throw out the retard, and they won't be rockin' the boat
Teacher: Very good! That was fun, wasn't it?
Class: Yes, Mrs. Aryan
Teacher: For our next lesson, we're going to do an experiment!
Class: Yeah!
Teacher: We're going to test the law of gravity, just like Galileo, by dropping two objects out the window--one heavy and one light--to see which one hits the sidewalk first. Now what shall we use for the lighter object? I'm thinking of something small and square...
Class: An eraser?
Teacher: Good! And what shall we use for the heavy object? I'm thinking of something round and bouncy... Tommy, I haven't given you permission to leave your seat...class, the bell has not rung. What are you... oohh! Class...put me down! Put me down this instant! Ooohhh! Ooohhh!
Class: (singing)
Throw over teacher and we'll see if she can bounce
We've learned our lesson--teacher says perfection's what counts
She's getting old and gray and wears an ugly coat
Throw over teacher and we'll play another game of lifeboat
Credits
Steve Taylor

Steve Taylor

About “Lifeboat” by Steve Taylor

Read the complete lyrics to "Lifeboat" by Steve Taylor from the album "On the Fritz". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"Lifeboat" is performed by Steve Taylor. from the album "On the Fritz" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Lifeboat", explore more songs by Steve Taylor using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Lifeboat" is credited to Steve Taylor. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Lifeboat" appears on "On the Fritz".

Visit the Steve Taylor artist page at /artist/steve-taylor for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.