[TOBIAS]
Ladies and gentlemen
May I have your attention, perlease?
Are your nostrils aquiver and tingling
As well at that delicate, luscious ambrosial smell?
Yes they are, I can tell
Well, ladies and gentlemen
That aroma enriching the breeze
Is like nothing compared to its succulent source
As the gourmets among you will tell you, of course
Ladies and gentlemen
You can't imagine the rapture in storе—
Just inside of this door!
There you'll samplе
Mrs. Lovett's meat pies
Savory and sweet pies
As you'll see
You who eat pies
Mrs. Lovett's meat pies
Conjure up the treat pies
Used to be!
[MAN]
Over here, boy, how about some ale?
[MEN]
Let me have another, laddie!
[WOMEN]
Tell me, are they flavorsome?
They are
[TOBIAS]
Right away
[WOMEN]
Could we have some service over here, boy?
[MEN]
Could we have some service, waiter?
[WOMEN]
God that's good!
[MAN]
What about that pie, boy?
[WOMEN]
Tell me, are they tender?
[TOBIAS]
Thruppence
[MEN]
Yes, what about the pie, boy?
[WOMEN]
Thruppence for a meat pie?
[MEN]
Where's the ale I asked you for boy?
[TOBIAS]
Ladies and gentlemen!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Toby!
[TOBIAS]
Coming!
'Scuse me
[MRS. LOVETT]
Ale, there!
[TOBIAS]
Right, Mum!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Quick now!
[COMPANY]
God, that's good!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Nice to see you, dearie
How have you been keeping?
Cor, me bones is weary
Toby, one for the gentleman—!
Hear the birdies cheeping—
Helps to keep it cheery
Toby!
Throw the old woman out!
[CUSTOMERS]
God, that's good!
[MRS. LOVETT]
What's your pleasure, dearie?...
No, we don't cut slices...
Cor, me eyes is bleary!...
Toby!
None for the gentleman!
I could up me prices—
I'm a little leery...
Business couldn't be better, though—
[CUSTOMERS]
God, that's good!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Knock on wood
[TODD, spoken]
Psst!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Excuse me...
[TODD, spoken]
Psst!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Dear, see to the customers
[TODD, spoken]
Psst!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Yes, what, love?
Quick, though, the trade is brisk
[TODD]
But it's six o'clock!
[MRS. LOVETT]
So it's six o'clock
[TODD]
It was due to arrive
At a quarter to five—
[MRS. LOVETT, TODD]
And it's probably already And it's six o'clock!
Down the block!
It'll be here, it'll be here! I've been waiting all day!
Have a beaker of beer
And stop worrying, dear But it should have been here
Now, now By now!
[CUSTOMERS]
More hot pies!
[MRS. LOVETT, TODD]
Gawd!
Will you wait there You'll come back
Cooly? When it comes?
'Cause my customers truly
Are getting unruly
[MRS. LOVETT]
And what's your pleasure, dearie?
Oops! I beg your pardon!
Just me hands is smeary—
Toby!
Run for the gentleman!
Don't you love a garden?
Always makes me teary...
Must be one of them foreigners—
[CUSTOMERS]
God, that's good!
That is delicious!
[MRS. LOVETT]
What's my secret?
Frankly, dear—forgive me candor—
Family secret
All to do with herbs
Things like being careful with your coriander
That's what makes the gravy grander!
[CUSTOMERS]
More hot pies!
More hot!
More pies!
[TODD, spoken]
Psst!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Excuse me...
[TODD, spoken]
Psst!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Dear, see to the customers
[TODD, spoken]
Psst!
[MRS. LOVETT]
What now, love?
Quick, though, the trade is brisk
[TODD]
But it's here!
[MRS. LOVETT]
It's where?
[TODD]
Coming up the stair!
[MRS. LOVETT]
I'll get rid of this lot
As they're still pretty hot
[MRS. LOVETT, TODD]
And then I'll be there! It's about to be opened
Or don't you care?
No, I'll be there!
I will be there! But, we have to prepare!
But they'll never be sold
If I let 'em get cold—! Ah...
[MRS. LOVETT]
Oh, and
Incidentally, dearie
You know Mrs. Mooney
Sales have been so dreary—
Toby—!
Poor thing is penniless
What about that loony?
Lookin' sort of beery
Oh well, got her comeuppance—
And that'll be thruppence—
And
[CUSTOMERS, MRS. LOVETT]
God, that's good that is de- have you So she should
-Licious ever tasted smell such
Oh my God what more that's pies good!
[TODD & MRS. LOVETT]
Ooh! Ooh!
[TODD, MRS. LOVETT]
Is that a chair fit for a king
A wondrous neat It's gorgeous!
And most particular chair? It's gorgeous
You tell me where is there a seat
Can half compare It's perfect!
With this particular thing! It's gorgeous!
I have a few
Minor adjustments You make your few
To make— Minor adjustments
They'll take
A moment You take your time
I'll call you... I'll go see to the customers
[TODD]
I have another friend...
[TOBIAS, MRS. LOVETT, & CUSTOMERS]
Is that a pie fit for a king
A wondrous sweet It's gorgeous!
And most particular thing? It's gorgeous! Yum!
You see, Mum, why
There is no meat
Pie can compete It's perfect! Yum!
With this delectable pie! It's gorgeous! Yum!
[TOBIAS & MRS. LOVETT, CUSTOMERS]
The crust all velvety and wavy Yum! Yum!
That glaze, those crimps... Yum! Yum!
And then the thick, succulent gravy... Yum! Yum!
One whiff, one glimpse... Yum! Yum!
[TODD]
And now to test
This best of barber chairs...
[MRS. LOVETT, TOBIAS, & CUSTOMERS]
So rich Yum!
So thick So tender Yum!
It makes you sick... That you surrender Yum! Yum!
[TODD]
It's time
It's time...
(spoken)
Psst!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Excuse me...
[TODD, spoken]
Psst!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Dear, see to the customers
[TODD, spoken]
Psst!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Yes, what, love?
[TODD]
Quick, now!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Me heart's aflutter!
[TODD]
When I pound the floor
[MRS. LOVETT]
When you pound the floor
[TODD, MRS. LOVETT]
It's a signal to show
That I'm ready to go Yes, you told me, I know
When I pound the floor! You'll be ready to go
When you pound the floor—
Will you trust me?
I just want to be sure Will you trust me?
When I'm certain that you're I'll be waiting below
In place For the whistle to blow...
[TODD]
I'll pound three times
Three times
And then you
Three times—!
If you—
Exactly
[CUSTOMERS]
More hot pies!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Gawd!
[CUSTOMERS]
More hot!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Right!
[CUSTOMERS]
More pies!
[TODD, spoken]
Psst!
[CUSTOMERS]
More!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Wait!
[TODD, spoken]
Psst!
[CUSTOMERS]
More hot pies!
More hot! More pies!
More! Hot! Pies!
[TOBIAS & MRS. LOVETT]
Eat them slow and
Feel the crust, how thin she/I rolled it!
Eat them slow, 'cause
Every one's a prize!
Eat them slow, 'cause
That's the lot and now we've sold it!
Come again tomorrow—!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Hold it—!
[CUSTOMERS]
More hot pies!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Bless my eyes—!
Fresh supplies—!
[MRS. LOVETT, TOBIAS, & CUSTOMERS]
How about it, dearie? Is that a pie Yum!
Be here in a twinkling! Fit for a king Yum!
Just confirms my theory— A wondrous sweet Yum!
Toby—! And most delectable thing?
God watches over usYum! Yum!
Didn't have an inkling... You see, Mum Yum!
Positively eerie... Why there is no meat pie Yum!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Toby!
Throw the old woman out!
[CUSTOMERS]
God, that's good that is de- have you
-Licious ever tasted smell such
Oh my God what perfect more that's
Pies such flavor
God, that's good!
