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Dating Tips Lyrics by That Handsome Devil

That Handsome Devil EP

2005

People often ask me
"Godforbid" they say
"You're quite the ladies man
What's your secret?"

Well
You too can be swimmin' in women
Afloat in seas of ovaries
But more importantly
Knowing whether behind those pretty eyes
You have a diamond in the rough
Or colored contact lenses and a rough stripper named Diamond

Lets recreate the scene: make believe you're at a table seat
Talking playfully to the waitress at your local place to eat
Way beneath the apron, Maybelline
Smell of eggs and cheese, bacon grease
She's a babe, an 8 at least
You want to push the plate of quesadillas off the table
And spread them angel's wings
But you can't say a thing?
If you don't do well with women
They sell prescription drugs on television
May cause loss of appetite
Malnutrition, dizzy spells
And different bells were ringing
And that's where I come in and give 'em a little extra help to get 'em

(You can't get)
You see confidence is key when entering any situation
(In her pants)
We all have insecurities
So why not build your confidence on the insecurities of others?
(But you don't)
Hey, she's going to **** somebody
(Give a damn)
So why not you?

The drunker you are
The easier it is to get laid
But the harder it is to ****
You may have to picture what it is this month
Whoever you've been thinking of
The girl at the Pizza Hut
Midgets, nuns
Whatever little miss it was
And with a little hard work, a little luck
If you haven't given up
Maybe you can get it up

Now a **** is supposed to be fun
Instant gratification, a roller coaster
But no one wants to get stuck over and over
Going home to the roller coaster
It's hard to watch your shows
And do your homework
And when the ride you rode is over
It'll cost more than a roll of quarters

(You can't get)
So pull out!
I know how warm and good it feels
(In her pants)
But its gettin' crowded 'round here
Please, pull out!
(But you don't)
If its not the one you want to stay with
You can avoid the face
(Give a damn)
But not the abbreviation
Taking payments from your paycheck
You can do it, pull out!

Men have what I call a "Columbus Complex"
Other people may have been there
But we still want to feel like we discovered it
So don't tell the number that you done it with
Your summers in Columbia
When you were young and done a bunch of dumb-ass ****
Rambunctious kids
Wait for the second date to cuff the wrists
Sponges, rubber gloves, and whips, oven mitts
Now a well trimmed personal area, that's nice
But why's she so ready?
You don't suppose that she never knows
When she might show somebody?
Now think about that before you go steady
Or maybe at your own wedding

(You can't get)
If she's your girlfriend
Leave her alone with your friends
(In her pants)
Now, I don't expect no virgin
But let 'em try to screw her
If she's flirting, or she ****
(But you don't)
It won't work man
Get rid of her
And get yourself a new girlfriend
Remember
(Give a damn)
The currency exchange rate:
At this party she's an 8
At the club a 7
At my apartment a 10
Environment dictates
The morning after
She may slip to a 3
'Cause some things are better just to lust for

(This concludes the introductory segment of the Godforbid self-help collection.)

Hey, sleep with other races
Help out international relations

(For further behavioral instructions, consult the nearest strip club and/or liquor store. Thank you, and enjoy yourself.)

(If it's not the one you want just let it go)
(If it's not the one you want just let it go)
(If it's not the one you want just let it go)

(This is a good country filled with good people but what good is 'good' in times like these?)
Credits
That Handsome Devil

That Handsome Devil

About “Dating Tips” by That Handsome Devil

Read the complete lyrics to "Dating Tips" by That Handsome Devil from the album "That Handsome Devil EP" in 2005. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"Dating Tips" is performed by That Handsome Devil. from the album "That Handsome Devil EP" in 2005 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Dating Tips", explore more songs by That Handsome Devil using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

View all songs and biography for That Handsome Devil · Trending lyrics · Billboard Hot 100

Frequently asked questions

"Dating Tips" is credited to That Handsome Devil. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Dating Tips" appears on "That Handsome Devil EP" in 2005.

Visit the That Handsome Devil artist page at /artist/that-handsome-devil for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.

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