[MR. GRAYDON, spoken]
Take a letter. To a Mr. John Hudson, Hudson's Floor Wax. You will find an invoice in the file for the address. "Dear Mr. Hudson," colon:
(sung)
My eyes are fully open to my awful situation
So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation
When the floor wax that we bought from you arrived here Monday morning
We discovered upon usage that the fumes should have a warning
Since the only possibility is that your wax is rancid
I request a full refund of all the money we advanced
And unless you can convince me you've improved the floor wax batter
We will take our business elsewhere, so, I hope you solve this matter
(spoken)
How's my speed, Miss Dillmount?
[MILLIE, spoken]
A little slow, perhaps
[MR. GRAYDON, sung (faster)]
Ah!
Enclosed you'll find a small container of the stuff I talk about
Just carefully remove the lid and take a whiff if you've a doubt
I'm sure you wouldn't want me to alert the daily papers
With the news of how our office was affected by your vapours
Which is why I choose to write to you a confidential letter
Full of strong recommendation that you make your floor wax better
I just hope it won't require us to have our floor relaid and
If it does you may expect a bill
Sincerely, Trevor Graydon
(spoken)
Now, read that back to me please
[MILLIE, spoken]
Certainly. "Dear Mr. Hudson," colon:
(sung)
My eyes are fully open to my awful situation
So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation
When the floor wax that we bought from you arrived here Monday morning
We discovered upon usage that the fumes should have a warning
Since the only possibility is that your wax is rancid
I request a full refund of all the money we advanced
[MR. GRAYDON, spoken]
Nice!
[MILLIE, sung]
And unless you can convince me you've improved the floor wax batter
We will take our business elsewhere, so, I hope you solve this matter
[MR. GRAYDON, spoken]
Not half bad. Continue please
[MILLIE, sung (faster)]
Enclosed you'll find a small container of the stuff I talk about
Just carefully remove the lid and take a whiff if you've a doubt
I'm sure you wouldn't want me to alert the daily papers
With the news of how our office was affected by your vapours
Which is why I choose to write to you a confidential letter
Full of strong recommendation that you make your floor wax better
I just hope it won't require us to have our floor relaid and
If it does you may expect a bill
Sincerely, Trevor Graydon
[MR. GRAYDON, spoken]
Miss Dillmount, may I speak frankly?
[MILLIE, spoken]
Yes?
[MR. GRAYDON, sung]
If I could be so lucky as to have a good stenographer
To keep this place as up-to-date as her short skirt and bobbed coiffure
I wouldn't have to worry 'bout our soured office planking
And could concentrate on generating profits ripe for banking
That is why I'm testing you with this outrageous correspondence
Which I don't intend to actually mail to the respondents
So if you can make sense of my unintelligible patter
Then the job is yours and Hudson's Floor Wax really doesn't matter!
[MILLIE]
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter?
Matter, matter, matter, matter
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter?
Matter, matter, matter, matter
[MR. GRAYDON (simultaneously)]
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter!
Matter, matter, matter, matter
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter!
[OFFICE WOMEN (simultaneously)]
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter!
Matter, matter, matter, matter
[MR. GRAYDON, spoken]
Now, I want that letter on my desk in two minutes flat. Man your machine! Go!
[tap dance break]
Time! "Dear Mr. Hudson,"
[MILLIE and OFFICE WORKERS]
Colon
[MR. GRAYDON]
My eyes are fully open to my awful situation
So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation
When the floor wax that we bought from you arrived here Monday morning
We discovered upon usage that the fumes should have a warning
Since the only possibility is that the wax is rancid
I request a full refund of all the money we advanced
And unless you can convince me you've improved the floor wax batter
We will take our business elsewhere so I hope you solve this matter
[MILLIE and OFFICE WOMEN, sung]
So I hope you solve this matter
So I hope you solve this matter
So I hope you solve this matter
Matter, matter, matter, matter
[MR. GRAYDON]
Going on
Enclosed you'll find a small container
Of the stuff I talk about
Just carefully remove the lid
And take a whiff if you've a doubt
I'm sure you wouldn't want me to
Alert the daily papers
With the news of how our office
Was affected by your vapours
Which is why I choose to write to you
A confidential letter
Full of strong recommendation
That you make your floor wax better
I just hope it won't require us
To have our floor relaid and
If it does you may expect a bill
Sincerely, Trevor Graydon!
You have made the team Miss Dillmount!
[OFFICE WORKERS]
You have made the team Miss Dillmount!
[MILLIE]
Tell me where my desk is
When we eat lunch
How much I'll be paid, and
Nice to meet you, I know we'll be friends
Just call me Millie Graydon
[MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS]
Millie Graydon?
[MILLIE]
I mean Dillmount!
[MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS]
Millie Dillmount?
[MILLIE]
Someday Graydon!
[MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS]
Graydon? Dillmount? Dillmount?
Graydon? Graydon? Dillmount?
[MILLIE]
Graydon!
[ALL]
Ahh!
