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3 Minute Song Lyrics by Tim Minchin

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[Verse 1]
My people rang me up a couple of weeks ago
Yeah, I’ve got people, and a phone
And a grasp on the passage of time
Yeah they rang me up, said "Tim
Will you go on Ruth Jones' show?
They want you to sing a song
It’ll be fine, fine, fine"
[Verse 2]
But the problem with my particular œuvre
Is that half my songs are five minutes and over
And the wisdom here at the BBC
Is that viewers switch off if you go past three
And a lot of my songs have a bit of bad language
Which causes the viewers untold anguish
It seems their tolerance for smuttiness is reserved
For pussy puns on 'Are You Being Served?'
[Chorus 1]
And so I need a song that only goes for three minutes
Without no bums or blasphemy in it
A lovely little song specifically written
For the delicate skin of middle-class Britain
I need a song with a chorus and a verse
With no nasty-ass cussing and a-cursing
I’m a little too lewd and a little too long
Gotta find myself a three-minute song
[Verse 3]
And they said, "Remember boy that music is like love-making
It's simply self-indulgent to take it past three minutes
Remember boy that music is like love-making
Everybody loves a pianist, but length must have a limit"
[Chorus 2]
"So you need a song that only goes for three minutes
Without no pornography or politics in it
You’re a little verbose and a little bit wrong
You’ve gotta find yourself a clean-livin' three-minute song"
Three-hundred beats at a hundred beats-per-minute
With nice clean jokes and a hoe-down in it
Something for the telly that never, ever fails
To appease the viewers of BBC Wales
[Bridge]
And even in the bridge
I won’t be lyrically adventurous
Intellectually unmention-ous
Or racially contentious
And I won’t make double entendres
At the expense of the Chinese
For China is a country
That can bring me to my knees
For China, for China, for China, for China
Vagina is a cunt-ry
That will bring us to our knees
(speaking)
Ooh, Mr. Humphries, my pussy is all wet! (Fake laugh)
Two, three, fore-skin
[Chorus 3]
I need a little happy-clappy country song
Nice and repetitive and not too long
Boring enough, but not too boring
With a key change here to prevent me snoring
I need a song that is only three minutes
Without no buggery or blasphemy in it
Something with a pleasing rhyme and rhythm
Well, if you can’t beat 'em, get conservative with 'em
[Chorus 4]
Oh-oh, I need a song that causes no offense
To flog more tickets to my concerts
By convincing the viewer that musical satire
Hasn’t progressed since Victor Borge
You've got a telly and I want to be in it
But apparently you'll only watch for three minutes
Yeah, apparently you'll only watch for three…
(minutes)
Credits
Tim Minchin

Tim Minchin

About “3 Minute Song” by Tim Minchin

Read the complete lyrics to "3 Minute Song" by Tim Minchin. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Rock.

"3 Minute Song" is performed by Tim Minchin. This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "3 Minute Song", explore more songs by Tim Minchin using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"3 Minute Song" is credited to Tim Minchin. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

Album information for "3 Minute Song" is not available in our database yet. You can still read the full lyrics on this page.

Visit the Tim Minchin artist page at /artist/tim-minchin for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.