[Verse 1: Tom Cardy, Gareth Reynolds]
Hey, Gareth
Hey, Tom
What's up?
Not much, what's up?
No... I say "what's up"
I say "what's up" too
No, it-... okay, we can just... do another take, I guess
Yeah, I got somewhere to be in a half-hour, so...
What do you mean you have somewhere to be in half an hour? I thought we had the whole day blocked out
Well, I did, but then something came up, now I don't have that time, that's just the reality
Fuckin' whatever, I'm just gonna upload this video, then
Uh, no, you are not gonna use this video!
Don't turn around, just look at the camera
I'll- I'll look wherever I want! I'm a human bеing and you do not have permission to use this vidеo
I don't need your permission, champ, if it's my microphone, it means it's my sound recording
No, that's not how music legally- music rights work, okay?
Oh, okay, you're gonna school me on music rights, the guy who famously doesn't know what the other guy is talking about is gonna teach me something, huh?
Oh, fuck off, at least I didn't get famous on TikTok from saying "cunt"
Okay, there was a lot of musical skill involved in that video- please don't turn around
I can look wherever I want! I'm allowed to look anywhere!
Yeah, and look at the camera, okay?
Lemme ask you this, where is this headed? What is this about?
It was a good idea, originally
[Chorus: Tom Cardy (sung), Gareth Reynolds (spoken), Tom Cardy (spoken)]
Best friends, they're two best friends
What's the point of this? It isn't funny
Not everything has to be a fuckin' joke, Gareth
Best friends in the song and also in real life
I thought today was gonna go differently
Yeah, well, I don't know, dude, it's kind of a weird idea for a song if you think-
[Verse 2: Gareth Reynolds, Tom Cardy, Xander Mobus]
Oh my god, there's another verse?
It's three minutes long, I thought we had the entire day to do this, Gareth
What's going on, why- why are you looking at me like that?
Y'know, I listen to your podcast a lot, and you don't look like your voice makes you sound like you should look like
What kind of thing is that to say to a best friend?
Ah, so you do think we could be best friends
I mean, I'm still open to the possibility of being best friends, sure!
I'm not, fuck you, cunt (Game!)
Okay, you know what? I-I'm ordering a car
You're not gonna be able to get reception because of all the lead
The lead?
Yeah, there's lead on the walls, there's lead on the ceiling, my nail polish, that's lead too
Lead is terrible!
Oh, here he comes to tell me how I'm a bad friend, music rights, and how... lead's cancerous?
Well, I just didn't know that I was in a lead jail
Would you stop yelling at me? That microphone is very expensive
Okay, how about this? If I break your microphone, I'll pay for it. I'll give you money right now
You Americans always tryna break shit and then just spend money on it, huh?
W-well, it's gone pretty well until recently, Tom
I think I'd like you to leave, Gareth
Well, I'd like to leave too, and the good news is I just got a car, and by the way, this whole studio smells like feet
Dammit, he canceled!
[Chorus: Tom Cardy (sung), Gareth Reynolds (spoken), Tom Cardy (spoken)]
Best friends, they're two best friends
You want my advice? Shave the mustache. It's creepy
Best friends on two horses and the horses are best friends
You thought the horses would also be best friends?
I had very high expectations for this
[Verse 3: Gareth Reynolds (spoken), Tom Cardy (spoken), Tom Cardy (rapping)]
What the hell is this?
(unintelligible)
You what?
I recorded a rap, okay?
Gareth and Tom being funny and hip in a cool best friend relationship
Could you do me a favor?
What?
Don't listen to this next bit
Tom got a tattoo of Gareth on his butt crack
Now it's time for Gareth to get one back
...Would you wanna get a tattoo of-
No. No, that's not...
[Bridge: Gareth Reynolds, Tom Cardy]
Look, dude, it's-it's fine, it's alright, it's fine
Really? I feel kind of embarrassed by this in hindsight
Well, it's been a little awkward, but... next time we can hang out and... y'know, we'll do a song
Really?
Yeah, you can prepare something and-
I'd really like that
Yeah, somethin'... you know-
[Outro: Tom Cardy (sung), Gareth Reynolds (spoken), Tom Cardy (spoken)]
Key change! (Best friends, they're two best friends)
I got you!
I'm not sure what you're celebrating right now, Tom
I got you is what is happening!
Can you just-
Fuck you!
Tom!
Best friends, they're two best friends (They're two best, they're two best friends)
