Lyrks
Lyrks
Lyrks
Cover Art

Valve Drive Thru (Skit) Lyrics by Uncle Dane

DARN.

2017

[Uncle Dane]
Man... I could really go for an update
Just go to this uh... Valve Drive Thru
[Ben Zimmer (Valve)]
Hi, welcome to Valve
May I take your order?
[Uncle Dane]
Uh, yeah, could I get uhhhhh
Source 2?
[Ben Zimmer (Valve)]
Alright, Source 2
[Uncle Dane]
Alright, and uhhh could I get a
If you could, um
If you could just bring back Quickplay
Uh, just get rid of uh
[Ben Zimmer (Valve)]
Yep, Quickplay, yeah
[Uncle Dane]
Hold on - can you get rid of Casual Mode?
Just bring back Quickplay and get rid of Casual
[Ben Zimmer (Valve)]
Alright, Quickplay - here
Casual Mode - gone
[Uncle Dane]
Alright, and um
If you could just ban all the hackers
Just ban all of 'em
Just uh, ban—
[Ben Zimmer (Valve)]
Alright, great - Ban all hackers
[Uncle Dane]
Shut up and listen to my order
Just ban all of the hackers, and uh
Just uninstall the game from all their computers
And you know what, ah-eh-ju
Also just ban all the Pyro mains too
And um, if you could add Highlander
And then, uh
Also add Fours, also
And if you could also add Ultiduo
And add B-Ball too
[Ben Zimmer (Valve)]
Ultiduo and B-Ball, alright
Anything else?
[Uncle Dane]
Ah, yeah
If you could also, uh, just
Add better graphics
Just make the game have better graphics
And also, make the game run better on my 2010 Dell laptop computer, please
That would be really good
[Ben Zimmer (Valve)]
Graphics, yup
[Uncle Dane]
Yeah, umm
And if you could nerf the Reserve Shooter
So that when you equip the weapon
It fucking crashes your game to desktop
And then it uninstalls the game from your computer completely
[Ben Zimmer (Valve)]
Mhm, mhm, alright
Uninstalls game
[Uncle Dane]
Yeah, and then uhh oh—
And if you could buff the Bison
Just buff it so that, uh
It just does everything that it did before
And then also does like 300 damage and um it can penetrate through walls
[Ben Zimmer (Valve)]
Big Bison buff, alright
[Uncle Dane]
And if you think that that's not balanced enough
You could just make it have no random crits
I think that that would be good
[Ben Zimmer (Valve)]
Will that be all?
[Uncle Dane]
Yeah, that's gonna be it
[Ben Zimmer (Valve)]
Alright, that'll be 14.59 at the next window, uh, thank you—
[Uncle Dane]
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
Hold on
I thought this game was free
I have to pay?
[Ben Zimmer (Valve)]
Yes, sir
[Uncle Dane]
That's bullshit
Nah, that's bullshit
What the fuck
Alright
I'm—you know what?
Cancel everything on my order
I'm outta here, I'm leaving
I'm just gonna go to Blizzard
Credits
Uncle Dane

Uncle Dane

About “Valve Drive Thru (Skit)” by Uncle Dane

Read the complete lyrics to "Valve Drive Thru (Skit)" by Uncle Dane from the album "DARN." in 2017. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Skit, Non-Music.

"Valve Drive Thru (Skit)" is performed by Uncle Dane. from the album "DARN." in 2017 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Valve Drive Thru (Skit)", explore more songs by Uncle Dane using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

View all songs and biography for Uncle Dane · Trending lyrics · Billboard Hot 100

Frequently asked questions

"Valve Drive Thru (Skit)" is credited to Uncle Dane. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Valve Drive Thru (Skit)" appears on "DARN." in 2017.

Visit the Uncle Dane artist page at /artist/uncle-dane for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.