(spoken)
[MARTIN SHORT]
You know, it's funny
[MOLLY SHANNON]
Do you need a, do you need a Kleenex?
[MARTIN]
No, I got it
Anyway
When our daughter Kelsey told us that she and Matt wanted to do a vow renewal
We were a little surprised since they've only been married less than a year
But, hey!
What's another 70 grand at Best Western?
[MOLLY]
And I just want to say
Congratulations, you guys!
Drinks for everyone! Open bar!
[MARTIN]
I apologize
My wife is doing wet February
[MOLLY]
Oh, hell yes, I am!
[MARTIN]
Anyway
Kelsey and Matt, you want
[MOLLY]
May, I wanna say
Let me take the reins
[MARTIN]
Sure. Anytime
[MOLLY]
Kelsey and Matt
May you have a marriage as loving and passionate as Daddy and me
[MARTIN]
Oh, baby, look at
[MOLLY]
Cause you are my love
[MARTIN]
How about you?
Oh, wow! What happened there?
What happened there?
[SABRINA CARPENTER]
Okay!
Weird speech
So, for those of you who don't know me
I'm Sophie, the bride's childhood bestie
I couldn't make it to the wedding cause I was unfortunately in prison
[CHLOE FINEMAN]
You got so skinny in jail, girl!
[SABRINA]
I know, right?
I couldn't eat the food
Anyway
I'd love to invite up Kelsey's best friends a.k.a. The Kell Squad
[THE KELL SQUAD]
Hey! Hey everyone!
[HEIDI GARDNER]
So, instead of a speech
We're gonna do something different for y'all
Cause we're a little bit basic, a little bit toxic
[SABRINA]
So, as some of you know
We took Kelsey to New York City to celebrate the vow renewal
[EGO NWODIM]
Matt said it had to be a day trip
Cause he doesn't trust Kelsey on overnights anymore
[ANDREW DISMUKES]
Guilty as charged
Seriously, though
I love strong women
[SARAH SHERMAN]
While in New York
We got blackout drunk and went to Wicked
So, Matt and Kelsey
This is for you
[Defying Gravity]
(sung)
[SABRINA]
Something has changed within her
She's ready to commit
[SARAH]
She sees something in Matthew
That honestly we do not get
[ANDREW, spoken]
Ha-ha!
Drag me, ladies
[EGO]
She has worked on herself
And Matt has gone to the gym
[HEIDI]
Kelsey has made a commitment
So guess what, this just in
[THE KELL SQUAD]
She swears she's gonna try monogamy
[SABRINA]
She's finally learned what is
[THE KELL SQUAD]
Monogamy
And we will hold her down
[SABRINA]
Ohh-ohh-ohhhh
(spoken)
[ANDREW]
Okay
Well, that was great
And now the song is over and we will not learn anything else
[EGO]
Really? Cause a lot more happened
[You Belong With Me]
[MARTIN]
Oh, my God! Taylor!
She's doing Taylor!
(sung)
[SABRINA]
After the show
It's Madame Tussauds in Times Square
[SARAH]
There's a wax Keanu Reeves
But Kelsey doesn't care
[EGO]
It's clear that Kelsey's mind is elsewhere
(spoken)
[ANDREW]
What were you thinking about?
[CHLOE]
Shh! My friends are singing!
(sung)
[SARAH]
Next up, we take a pedicab in Central Park
[HEIDI]
Kelsey says, "There is a giant hole in my heart"
[SABRINA]
She throws a coin into a fountain and then
She whispers "I wish I could be with him"
[THE KELL SQUAD]
We all know she's talking 'bout Domingo
Even though she can't be with Domingo
[SABRINA]
She's in the middle of New York
And she screams to the sky
[MARCELLO HERNANDEZ]
But what she's looking for is this hung Latin guy
[MARCELLO & THE KELL SQUAD]
Kelsey cannot live without Domingo
[MARCELLO]
So, why are you trying to live without Domingo?
Baby, he, he
[SABRINA]
Cómo se dice
[MARCELLO & SABRINA]
Open relationship
(spoken)
[MARTIN & MOLLY]
Oh, my God!
Hi, Domingo!
[MARCELLO]
Mamá! Papi!
How are the kitchen renovation going?
[ANDREW]
Wait, you guys know Domingo?
[MARTIN]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[MOLLY]
Yeah. He was my primary care physician
And, Domingo, do you know that you were right?
I do have Hashimoto's
[MARTIN]
She does
[ANDREW]
God, I can't believe Domingo has had another major life event of mine
[ANDY SAMBERG]
Don't worry, Matt!
We got you!
[THE DOORMATS]
Sup?
[ANDY]
Yeah
This reception's lit
As many as you know, we're Matt's groomsmen, a.k.a. The Doormats
[BOWEN YANG]
We took Matt on a golf trip to the real city that never sleeps
Scottsdale, Arizona
[BECK BENNETT]
Which is also our hometown
[ANDY]
And our names!
These are the three Scotts and I'm Dale!
[BOWEN, KYLE MOONEY & BECK]
Scotts...
[ANDY]
Dale!
[KYLE]
And let's just say
To play 18 holes
We needed a little...
Espresso
[Espresso]
(sung)
[ANDY]
The groomsmen had a local staycation
[BOWEN]
Cause we've been hit hard by inflation
[BECK]
And we knew Matt needs a break from Kelsey
[KYLE]
Just kidding, Kels, your marriage is healthy
[SABRINA, spoken]
Wait
What even is this song?
[THE DOORMATS & SABRINA]
Now we're teeing off bombs
Slamming down shots
[SABRINA]
Caddy's name, Ronaldo
[THE DOORMATS & SABRINA]
Take a golf cart to the condo
[ANDY]
Matt invites Ronaldo
[BECK]
We got to bed
Matthew does not
[SABRINA]
He's on a walk with Ronaldo
(spoken)
[CHLOE]
Wait, Sophie
Were you on the guys' trip?
[SABRINA]
Oh, well, you know
I'm pretty sick of girls after prison
[CHLOE]
And I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Who is Ronaldo?
[ANDREW]
Uh, don't worry, honey
Ronaldo is in my past
[PEDRO PASCAL]
Matthew, I'm here!
(sung)
[PEDRO]
Hey, Matt
Hey, hey, Matt
Came all this way
Had to explain
Direct from Ronaldo
Matthew's my guy
He said he's not bi
But we did hook up, though
(spoken)
[CHLOE]
What?! Matt!
[MARCELLO]
Ronaldo?!
[PEDRO]
Domingo?!
[CHLOE]
Okay, I'm sorry
You two know each other?
[MARCELLO]
Of course! We are brothers!
[PEDRO]
I'm the older brother
[MARCELLO]
And I'm the younger brother
[BAD BUNNY]
And I'm the hot brother
[MARTIN & MOLLY]
Hi, Santiago!
[CHLOE]
Santiago? Wait
Mom, Dad, how do you know him?
[BAD BUNNY]
Well, I did their kitchen renovation
And then I had sex with the wife
[MARTIN]
How you feeling, Santiago?
[MOLLY]
I just love weddings!
(sung)
[MARCELLO, BAD BUNNY & PEDRO]
Hey, Matt!
Came all this way
Had to explain
Direct from Domingo
[PEDRO]
Word to the wise
If you got a wife
[MARCELLO & BAD BUNNY]
Hide them from the three bros
[SABRINA]
Doming-o-o-o-o-o-o!
