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Gladiator II: The Musical Lyrics by Saturday Night Live

2024

[NARRATOR, spoken]
Gladiator II is a hit, earning over three hundred million dollars worldwide
But then we saw the massive success of Moana two and Wicked
So after some rushed reshoots, Gladiator II is now a musical
[DEVON WALKER, spoken]
I've never seen a place such as this
[KENAN THOMPSON, spoken]
Well, of course you haven't, because my gladiators
[KENAN THOMPSON]
There's no place
No place like Rome
Swords and sandals
Whores and scandals
And empires stretching from East to West
[BOWEN YANG]
Wine, you can spill it
That giraffe, you can kill it
Every senator has a boy to molest
[KENAN THOMPSON]
Our streets are the cleanеst
[BOWEN YANG]
Our soldiers, the meanеst
[BOWEN YANG]
And all of our statues have a tiny penis
[KENAN THOMPSON & BOWEN YANG]
There's no place
No place like Rome
[PAUL MESCAL, spoken]
Yeah, I think I'm gonna like it here
[NARRATOR, spoken]
It's the same violent historical epic audiences have been raving about, but with an extra fifty minutes of songs
[PAUL MESCAL]
They, look at me
And all they see is a killing machine
But they don't know that far below
I'm so much more than I seem
They call me Gladiator
They call me slave
They call me a killer
But someday they'll know my name
I'm gonna stab my way to freedom
Cut my way to the next act
And while I'm in the Colosseum
When I go on the attack
Someday they'll know my name
[NARRATOR, spoken]
"I was not told about this," rages the film's director, Ridley Scott
A Hollywood reporter, glows, "Movies are in such a weird place right now"
And ladies, we've got a song for you, too
[JANE WICKLINE]
I'm a beautiful wife back home on a farm
And every day I stand on the edge of my farm with my tiny son
And wait for my husband to come home like this
One day we see army men in the distance
They're approaching with torches
While I bet they're friends with my husband
I have a good feeling about—
[NARRATOR, spoken]
And we even hired Lin-Manuel Miranda to compose one of his classic Broadway raps
[MICHAEL LONGFELLOW, spoken]
Silence
Rome's emperor shall decide the gladiator's fate
[MIKEY DAY]
Hey! Ahem
Everybody in the Colosseum
Put your hands in the air and let me see 'em
I'm the mad emperor with the bad temper-er
Bangin eunuchs and tunics, January to December-er
And I don't mean to be a hater
But I ain't like this gladiator
So say goodbye to this clown
'Cause my thumb is going down
[PAUL MESCAL]
A-ha
Look at little bitch with his wine in his cup
Sit your ass down, put the *** thumb up
[MIKEY DAY]
This slave think he a boss like me?
Let's see if he can floss like me
[MIKEY DAY, spoken]
Oh-oh
[PAUL MESCAL, spoken]
Oh-oh
[MIKEY DAY, spoken]
Oh-oh
[PAUL MESCAL, spoken]
Oh-oh
[NARRATOR, spoken]
We've even added some characters for comedic relief
[JAMES AUSTIN JOHNSON]
I'm just a Christian, and boy, am I wishing
I keptm y big mouth shut
'Cause ain't no use in trying to outrun a lion
When you're condemned to—
[ALL]
There's no place
No place like
[PAUL MESCAL]
Rome
[NARRATOR, spoken]
Gladiator Twosical
Credits
Saturday Night Live

Saturday Night Live

About “Gladiator II: The Musical” by Saturday Night Live

Read the complete lyrics to "Gladiator II: The Musical" by Saturday Night Live in 2024. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under In English, USA, Musicals.

"Gladiator II: The Musical" is performed by Saturday Night Live. in 2024 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Gladiator II: The Musical", explore more songs by Saturday Night Live using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Gladiator II: The Musical" is credited to Saturday Night Live. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

Album information for "Gladiator II: The Musical" is not available in our database yet. You can still read the full lyrics on this page.

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