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Season 1 Episode 1: Weekend Update With Chevy Chase Lyrics by Saturday Night Live

Saturday Night Live: Season 1

1975

Announcer: From Saturday Night news headquarters, this is Weekend Update, with Chevy Chase.
Chevy Chase: [ talking into the telephone ] What are you wearing right now? [ smiles ] No bathrobe? [ notices the audience, hangs up telephone ] Good evening, I'm Chevy Chase!
Our top story tonight: dedication ceremonies for the new Teamsters Union Headquarters building took place today in Detroit, where Union President Fitzsimmons was reported to have said that former President Jimmy Hoffa will always be a cornerstone in the organization.
Now, world leaders in the news: Japan Emperor Hirohito met Mickey Mouse at Disneyland this week. The Emperor presented Mickey with a Hirohito wristwatch.
Dateline: Washington. At a press conference Thursday night, President Ford blew his nose. Alert Secret Service agents seized his handkerchief and wrestled it to the ground.
And, yesterday, in Washington, President Ford bumped his head three times getting into his helicopter. The CIA immediately denied reports that it had deliberately lowered the top of the doorway.
And, Ford was on the campaign trail, announcing in Detroit that he has written his own campaign slogan. The slogan? "If He's So Dumb, How Come He's President?"
The Post Office announced today -- [ looks around, lost ] Just a second, I lost my place. [ shuffles his papers ] Oh! The Post Office announced today that it is going to issue a stamp commemorating prostitution in the United States. It's a ten-cent stamp, but if you want to lick it, it's a quarter.
Chevy Chase: Murder at the Blaine Hotel again. For a live report, let's go to Laraine Newman in midtown Manhatten, at the Blaine hotel. Laraine?
Laraine Newman: [ over the sounds of sirens in the background ] Chevy, I'm standing outside a room on the 15th floor of the Blaine Hotel, where number 38 in a series of grizzly and bizarre murders has occurred just over an hour ago. [ pan down to reveal three legs, each with a yellow sock on the foot, covered by a sheet and poking out of the doorway ] The motive, again - murder, as it has been in the previous 37 slashings. In a fit of pique, the Mayor has called the Blaine Hotel a pockmark on the neck of midtown Manhatten. Once again, grizzly death and murder in the Blaine Hotel. Laraine Newman, reporting.
Chevy Chase: Still to come: Earthquake Claims San Diego, Four Million Die in Turkey, and Arlene Visits an Art Museum.
[ dissolve to ad parody for Triopenin ]
[ dissolve to Blaine Hotel ad card ]
Announcer: Guests of NBC Saturday Night stay at the fabulous Blaine Hotel in midtown Manhatten. The Blaine, a tradition for more than half a century.
Chevy Chase: Our final story tonight concerns the birth of a baby sandpiper at the Washington Zoo. It's the first such birth in captivity on record. The pip made its debut at 9:18 this morning, weighing in at just under fourteen grams, and, according to zoo officials, resembled its mother quite closely. The name given our fuzzy little friend? Simply "Pip". One humourous note: the bird was stepped on and crushed to death this afternoon by Goggles, the baby hippo born in captivity last Wednesday.
Well, that's news this evening. This is Chevy Chase saying, good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.
[ Chevy quickly redials his phone, as we fade ]
Credits
Saturday Night Live

Saturday Night Live

About “Season 1 Episode 1: Weekend Update With Chevy Chase” by Saturday Night Live

Read the complete lyrics to "Season 1 Episode 1: Weekend Update With Chevy Chase" by Saturday Night Live from the album "Saturday Night Live: Season 1" in 1975. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music, Comedy, Screen.

"Season 1 Episode 1: Weekend Update With Chevy Chase" is performed by Saturday Night Live. from the album "Saturday Night Live: Season 1" in 1975 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Season 1 Episode 1: Weekend Update With Chevy Chase", explore more songs by Saturday Night Live using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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"Season 1 Episode 1: Weekend Update With Chevy Chase" is credited to Saturday Night Live. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Season 1 Episode 1: Weekend Update With Chevy Chase" appears on "Saturday Night Live: Season 1" in 1975.

Visit the Saturday Night Live artist page at /artist/saturday-night-live for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.