[Intro]
No shoutouts needed on this one
Other than Broke But Balling, if you wanna support me, merch is on sale, check it out
Follow me on the socials
Actually one shoutout, Eaton 'cause he's here
Right, this one's a bit different
[Verse]
You wanna know what art is?
It's describing the times that are hardest
It's describing the pain that I feel in my brain
But it's hard 'cause I'm trapped in the darkness
You wanna know what hurt is?
It's a life I'm living without a purpose
It's the numbness I feel when a loved-one heals from an illness
I'm fine on the surface
But beneath it I'm nervous
I'm wondering whether it's all worth it
My mum's gone broke, my dad hates my guts
I feel like I'm nothing but a burden
I wake from nightmares but reality's worse
And really I'm quite scared and I feel like I'm cursed
It's been about five years now since I wanted these feelings to end
I didn't just lose my girlfriend last year, I lost my best friend
So fuck acting a hard man, there's no need to pretend
And I realise now that my future depends on whether or not I find strength
I go weekly to visit my granddad as dementia devours his brain
And that cunt of an illness to blame for the fact that my nan feels so much pain
I remember my uncle's funeral day where she buried her son in the grave
I couldn't hold the tears back but she displayed a vacant face
It stills haunts and engulfs me like a cloud that's full of rain
'Cause I know that inside there's a pain in her heart that she'll never see her son again
You wanna know what pain is?
Being helpless to help and evaded
The fact that your own life's so fucked up
But you act like you're totally blameless
I say sorry to my ex for putting her through so much stress
But being suicidal is hard sometimes and I feel like I'm nothing but a mess
But thank you for listening, sometimes all you need is a chat
But you've taken calls in the middle of the night, when I'm pissed, I've acted a twat
I've been pissed for about five years now so I guess that the booze is to blame
I've got people that I speak to in town most nights and I couldn't even tell you their name
And all I've got left is a future but I feel I'm obsessed with the past
So what I got signed to a label? It doesn't matter if the shit don't last
It's like I'm trapped in the sea, still I'm sailing and I haven't even got no mast
It's like I'm living in the past, 2012 where the YouTube views I amassed
I feel like I fell too far down a hole and the walls are too steep to climb
I feel like they strapped big weights to my back and depression controls my mind
Most days now I wake with an image, so vivid yet hard to describe
It's a quartz with a noose round my neck just swinging and my mum just crying by my side
Yeah I know that it's wrong but it feels so right
'Cause I'm sick of this feeling and I don't even know if I can cope with another year alive
And then I have four pints and everything seems fine
I can feel my emotions return and to the pain, I'm blind
That's why I reside in a blanket thatched from wine
I'm ashamed of the fact that I drink so much, it's the only way I ever feel alive
So now I'm tryna devise an escape from the place I reside
One thing I can prove with the bars that I'm spitting is I know that I'm actually trying
So to anybody else that can struggle with life, just know that I feel your pain
To the people that struggle to leave their own house, find strength in the words that I'm saying
No more passing the blame, if we never change, it will always be the same
If we don't acknowledge the fact that we're caught in the trap that we're bound to be living in the pain
But it cuts me to pieces just knowing my words are hollow
I do preachy speeches, tryna help, but I know I'll be the same me tomorrow
So to everyone I've ever let down, everyone I've pissed off pissed in town
To every bird that I've got so pissed that I've tried to kiss, just know I'm a clown
See the panic attacks, I've managed to hack, just know I'm alone and down
And the fact of the matter is, truthfully man, I don't even know how long I'll be around
[Outro]
One take
