[Spoken]
This is a true story
About my experiences with aliens
[Verse 1]
I was all alone in my room
In my computer playing DOOM
Quiet, silence
Until the sound of a typhoon
Jumped up right away
Kicked over the trash
Ran right up to the window
When I heard another crash
Had to rub on eyes
Couldn't believe what I was seeing
UFO crashed into my garage
With a bloody human being
Strapped to the front of this unidentified flying
Ran downstairs to attend to this man that was dying
When I approached, I realized that I was right
A completely bald man, devastated without a fight
He had his ear eaten off
And his knees were removed
Had all of his teeth in his hands
And he was completely nude
I saw his entire insides
The man looked crucified
Could have sworn he was dead
But then he opened his eyes
And with that last breath
Still fighting off death
Began to open his mouth
With one piece of advice left
And his space-defying fear
Because of what he’d been through
And with the last gasp of air
He said, “Look behind you!”
[Chorus]
Asteroids, Mars, stars, and moon craters!
Jupiter, comets, aliens, space invaders!
They’re coming! Quickly!
All humans, run for safety!
They hate me!
Even one motherfucker tried to rape me!
Asteroids, Mars, stars, and moon craters!
Jupiter, comets, aliens, space invaders!
They’re coming! Quickly!
All humans, run for safety!
They hate me!
Even one motherfucker tried to rape me!
[Verse 2]
I’m gasping for air
Ziplocked to a table
My arms tied to the floor
Completely covered in cables
Can feel my heart pounding fast
How long will it last?
I began to fall asleep
Hoping that time would pass
That’s when I realized
They’ve Krazy Glued my eyes!
And meticulously peeled off all the skin from my things (Oh, no!)
I look like some kid’s science experiment
It started to hurt worse
That’s when I began to hear it
Slow tip-toeing
Creature’s shadow growing on the wall
A Martian almost ten feet tall!
I attempted to be quiet
So I wouldn’t make a sound
But I began to cry
“Where is David Duchovny now?!”
I’m in pain
This alien is insane
He poured water on my body
But only felt the same
Wait, that’s not water
It looks like human blood!
He pulled out some needle [unverified]
And continually shoved in my anus
I feel the sting of anal probes
My ass is penetrated
I just want to go home!
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
Now, it’s completely silent
No sign of the giant
Saw an open escape door
So I decided to try it (Why not?)
Had a hard time getting up
Felt every ventricle erupt
Lunge at the open door
Squealing pain with every grunt
Then a thump!
A foot blocks my path to be free
It’s the alien!
A cross between Godzilla and MAC and Me
Picked me up by hair
Suspended in air
I’m squirming in every direction
Because his power is unfair
Threw me across the room
My back slams against the wall
Places his hands under my stomach
And clenching on my balls
I need to advance
That’s when I saw my chance
Remembered E.T.’s glowing finger
And I pulled down my pants
I’m standing there with my dick out
Trying to control his mind
That’s when I hit him with my cock
Slapped him from behind
But then he got right back up
And now, he’s starting to suck
On my erect human schlong
And I’m about to nut
He violated my body
I completely feel ashamed
But when I finally blew my load
It shot right through his brain
Now the alien’s motionless
Oozing on the floor
I can’t stand it anymore
I jumped out the door
My God!
By an alien, I was sexually abused
And like that
I’m naked in a phone booth
I called up 3H collect
Told him I was beaten by a mob
And never told a soul
About my alien-killing blowjob
[Chorus]
[Spoken]
That is a true story
And it really did happen
Word
