[Spoken: Lil' Sneezy, Rap Consultant, & Dave]
Rap Consultant: "Excuse me, are you Little Sneezy?"
Lil' Sneezy: "Probably."
Rap Consultant: "Hi, I'm the rap consultant that you hired."
Lil' Sneezy: "What's that?"
Rap Consultant: "The...the rap consultant. Remember?"
Lil' Sneezy: "I have a diagnosable memory disorder, so I'll just take your word for it."
Rap Consultant: "Uh, okay. Well, my name is..."
Lil' Sneezy: (interrupting) "Great, so basically I just wanna ascend to rap heaven, but it hasn't happened yet, so I thought...
[bass drop]
Rap Consultant: "Oh, oh jeez! What is going on?"
Lil' Sneezy: "I mean, I know I've already reached rap perfection, so..."
Rap Consultant: "It's too loud...what...(stuttering)
Lil' Sneezy: "I think it's maybe because I'm not moisturizing properly."
Rap Consultant: "Can you turn the track down?"
Lil' Sneezy: "What?"
Rap Consultant: "Can you turn the track down."
Lil' Sneezy: "No, just...just ignore it. It's in the background."
Rap Consultant: "No it is not. It's very much in the foreground."
Lil' Sneezy: "That's...I think that's subjective, really."
[bass lifted]
Rap Consultant: "Aw jeez, that much better."
Lil' Sneezy: "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Our producer, he's like, eighty percent deaf, so..."
Rap Consultant: "Your producer is deaf?"
Lil' Sneezy: "Only like eighty percent."
Rap Consultant: "You know what? Just...okay...so rap heaven. That's a pretty ambitious goal. What kind of budget are you working with?"
Lil' Sneezy: "Fifty dollars."
Rap Consultant: "Fifty dollars?"
Lil' Sneezy: "In nickels."
Rap Consultant: "Why would that fact even matter?"
Lil' Sneezy: "Context."
Rap Consultant: "Well, if you wanna ascend to rap heaven, you gotta get some more funding for your album. Either that, or maybe you should adapt it to an EP, or..."
[bass drop]
Rap Consultant: "Oh, jeez! Freaking again?"
Lil' Sneezy: "Again, what?"
Rap Consultant: "Just turn the track down!"
Lil' Sneezy: "Ignore it."
Rap Consultant: "Seriously?"
Lil' Sneezy: "Ignore it like your at the mall with your mom, and she's making out with her new boyfriend, Chad, who's a total jerk and thinks he's so cool just because he invested in Bitcoin for like two weeks."
Rap Consultant: "That's really specific."
[bass lifted]
Rap Consultant: (sigh) "Listen, if you wanna make a full studio album, you're gonna need to make some more money."
Lil' Sneezy: "How? By selling out my body as a human piñata?"
Rap Consultant: "No! What is wrong with you?"
Lil' Sneezy: "You sound like my dad."
Rap Consultant: "Here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna record a trendy, chart-topping single, and we'll use that to fund the rest of the album. Sound good?"
Lil' Sneezy: "Come on, man. I never make music just for the money."
Rap Consultant: "But you can't ascend to rap heaven if you don't have enough funding for a full album."
Lil' Sneezy: "I'm not making that song, dog."
Rap Consultant: "Why not?"
Lil' Sneezy: "Don't question my creative vision. I've...been blessed by the muses...with...foresight...into...the fifth dimension...of...art."
Rap Consultant: "Why'd you even hire me, man?"
Lil' Sneezy: "To be a yes-man, like the rest of my crew. Right, Dave?"
Dave: "Oh you know it, Lil' Sneezy!"
Rap Consultant: "You know what? I'm leaving. Best of luck."
Lil' Sneezy: "Wait, don't go. I'll try it. Wait, before we go the next track, I gotta...uh...I gotta read this poetry thing. Um..." (clears throat)
[Poem: Lil' Sneezy]
I remember I wanted to be the best
I was everything I thought I should be
Rap perfection
And yet, something wasn't working
So I tried to evolve, to branch out...
[Spoken: Lil' Sneezy & Rap Consultant]
Rap Consultant: "So you're copying the whole 'To Pimp a Butterfly' thing?"
Lil' Sneezy: "Pfff...nooo."
