ATEM: (singing) Do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do, do-do~
ATEM: Look, Seto. Everything the light touches is my kingdom
SETO: You mean "our kingdom" right, Pharaoh?
ATEM: Did I stutter?
SETO: No, Pharaoh—
ATEM: "No, Pharaoh," that's right. Very good. Now, mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the handsomest of them all?
SHIMON: Um, Pharaoh, uh, this is ancient Egypt. The mirror hasn't been invented yet
ATEM: Oh. Well, that's fine; I don't need a mirror anyway. It was a rhetorical question. I already know that it's me
BAKURA: Hahahahahahahahahaha!
ATEM: Oh, this guy...
BAKURA: I think not, Pharaoh! For you see, I have a manly scar all the way down the side of my face! That makes me mysterious and exotic! Therefore, I put it to you that I am the most handsomest in all the land!
ATEM: Guards! Guard me!
SETO: How darest you accusest the Pharaoh of notest beingest the most handsomest!
ATEM: Why is he talking like that? I-i-is there something wrong with him?
SHIMON: I'm afraid Priest Seto takes the whole roleplaying thing a little too seriously
ATEM: Oh, he's one of them
SETO: Now, begone knave, or I shall smite thee with my Millennium Rod!
BAKURA: Not before the Pharaoh admits that I am truly better looking, and therefore deserve to be sitting on the throne in his place!
ATEM: And how do you plan to accomplish that?
BAKURA: Simple. With a Lady Gaga song parody!
(music starts playing)
ATEM: Lady Gaga? Isn't she one of the Egyptian Gods?
SHIMON: Uh, no, Your Majesty
ATEM: Well, she should be
(music starts)
BAKURA:
Pharaoh, Pharaoh
Your foolishness forces me to sing
I shall have both your throne
And your Millennium Ring (...ring ...brr-ring)
ATEM:
Listen limey
I don't think you understand a thing
Everybody knows that it is
Good to be the king
(I'm handsome)
Good to be the king
(I'm handsome)
Good to be the king
(I'm handsome)
Everybody knows that it is
Good to be the king
Just because you have
A sexy scar upon your face
You think you've got the right
To command the Egyptian Race
To stand against the Pharaoh
Is a fight you're bound to lose
To beat you I don't need my pants
Or even leather shoes
Stop moaning
Stop groaning
I stopped caring hours ago
Only a fool picks a fight with the Pharaoh
Stop moaning
Stop groaning
I don't even want to know
How in the hell you got screen time on this show
Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo
I'm taking you to schoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ool
(I'm taking you to school)
It's time to du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du
You know it's time to du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-duel
(You know it's time to duel)
So what do you want
Come on throw me a bone
Cause you're not gonna take
My Pharaoh's Throne
Flip all the cards
In your Trap Card Zone
But you're not gonna take
My Pharaoh's Throne
What do you want
Come on throw me a bone
Cause you're not gonna take
My Pharaoh's Throne
You can flip all the cards
In your Trap Card Zone
But you're not gonna take
My Pharaoh's Throne
BAKURA:
By the way
You slaughtering my home
Even if it was your father
Made my rage grow faster
Made me a right bastard
You might be the Pharaoh
But now I'm the Dungeon Master
Bringing a disaster
Pardon all my laughter
(Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!)
ATEM:
Not for nothing
But your nonsense is kind of a bore
I was more intimidated
By those guys from season four
Sometimes I wonder who you think
That you are fooling
I summon my Egyptian Gods
Cause we'll be duelling
(Slifer!)
We'll be duelling
(Ra!)
We'll be duelling
(Obelisk!)
So summon all your monster cards
Cause we'll be duelling
Stop moaning
Stop groaning
I stopped caring hours ago
Only a fool picks a fight with the Pharaoh
Stop moaning
Stop groaning
I don't even want to know
How in the hell you got screen time on this show
Stop moaning
Stop groaning
We stopped caring hours ago
Who in the hell picks a fight with the Pharaoh?
Stop moaning
Stop groaning
I don't even want to know
How in the hell you got screen time on this show
Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo
I'm taking you to schoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ool
(I'm taking you to school)
It's time to du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du
You know it's time to du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-duel
(You know it's time to duel)
So what do you want
Come on throw me a bone
Cause you're not gonna take
My Pharaoh's Throne
Flip all the cards
In your Trap Card Zone
But you're not gonna take
My Pharaoh's Throne
What do you want
Come on throw me a bone
Cause you're not gonna take
My Pharaoh's Throne
You can flip all the cards
In your Trap Card Zone
But you're not gonna take
My Pharaoh's Throne
My Pharaoh's Throne
M-M-My Pharaoh's Throne
You can flip all the cards
In your Trap Card Zone
But you're not gonna take
My Pharaoh's Throne
My Pharaoh's Throne
M-M-My Pharaoh's Throne
You can flip all the cards
In your trap card zone
But you're not gonna take
My Pharaoh's Throne
(music stops)
BAKURA: Enough! You may have won this battle, Pharaoh, but you shall not win the war!
ATEM: Yeah, let's do a head count here, shall we? I've got Slifer, Obelisk and Ra: the Egyptian Gods, Priest Seto, who can tear monsters out of people's souls, a girl who can predict the future, one of the most powerful sorcerers in the world, and his... less powerful apprentice, an old man who possesses the ultimate and unstoppable monsters and Shada. Yeah... no-not sure what Shada actually does, really, but... but there you go, that's the head count
BAKURA: I have an army!
ATEM: We have an Exodia
Exodia: EXODIA SMASH!
(Exodia proceeds to beat up Bakura off-screen)
ATEM: Have fun with that guy, Bakura. I'll be over here, making giant triangular structures for no reason, because it makes me happy
SETO: Pharaoh, now that your battle has ceased, is there anything thou requirest?
ATEM: Yes. Fetch me some bitches! (cut to a beat-up Bakura) Because this bitch is out! Seriously though, I do require bitches
