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Dale Carnegie Lyrics by Maria Bamford

How to win!

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That’s uh, bit of a dark kid. My parents were worried about me, so they sent me, something to think about for your dad, my parents sent me on a on an eighteen week Dale Carnegie sales training and management course. Because what do a 16 year old and a bunch of salesmen have in common? Turns out we both like to party. I made some older male friends. I uh, I did learn a lot. I learned the four C’s don’t criticism, condemn or complain. Get the person to say yes yes yes. And uh, the sweetest sound to a person’s ears is the sound of their own name.
“Hey what’s your name?”
“My name right back at ya, your name”
And I uh, used that information on my primary customer base my parents. Marily and Joel Bamford, my parents.
Mom, Dad. May I call you Mom Dad? Fantastic! Listen you guys have been doing an amazing job of raising me. Really just want to get on the same page. Hope you’re happy with what I’ve been putting out there.
Great okay. Question number one, do you want to be a success? Yes! Of course you want to be a success everyone wants a piece of the pie. Ha-ha.
Question number two, in order for you to be a success, wouldn’t I your daughter need to be successful. Yes? And what are the odds of that happening?
Question number three: If I told you for the price of a greyhound bus ticket I could be out of your hair the rest of your lives. You’d give me that 133 dollars wouldn’t you.
That’s where me being a roadie for REO speedwagon comes in. They didn’t go for it.
Credits
Maria Bamford

Maria Bamford

About “Dale Carnegie” by Maria Bamford

Read the complete lyrics to "Dale Carnegie" by Maria Bamford from the album "How to win!". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music.

"Dale Carnegie" is performed by Maria Bamford. from the album "How to win!" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Dale Carnegie", explore more songs by Maria Bamford using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Dale Carnegie" is credited to Maria Bamford. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Dale Carnegie" appears on "How to win!".

Visit the Maria Bamford artist page at /artist/maria-bamford for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.