INTRO (MC LARS AS SMART ASS):
Alright, Valiant. I've "disresembled" the baddest crew of weasels... with one sole mission in mind: to dip every toon out of existence. But who am I, you might ask?
[VERSE 1 / LARS]:
I’m that weasel with the heart of a dragon with a stun gun
Make your body hiccup as I hit you with these Dum Dums
Try me, I dare them, get Mickey and tear him
Limping like Benny, I bang like a snare drum
Why? I be on that Tom and Jerry
Dip you like a shoe, paint dripping like a berry
Smarty the weasel, remember my name
Dethrone the mouse from the kingdom he claims
I got killers on my squad, you got Goofies
Blast you out the sky, I’m a Red Baron Snoopy
Oh boy, rodent dip on the menu tonight
‘Cause the clock’s ticking down on your copyright
Bomb in your clubhouse, runaway brain
Not a single hit movie that you’ve starred in, just saying
I’m the Toon Patrol’s numero uno
Holding hands with Minnie as she’s crying at your funeral
[Chorus]
Five ways to kill a toon today
In Judge Doom’s name they play the game
Weasels on a hunt, dip in hand
Chasing toons from Toontown land
Mickey, Donald, Goofy too
Pluto, Chip and Dale, they through
Weasels on a hunt coming for you
Coming for you
[VERSE 2 (JT MUSIC AS PSYCHO)]:
Coming after Disney is a doozy
But even for a toon, I’m a little loony
Looking in my eyes, are you feeling oopy?
Because I’m a weasel who can make you woozy
And I’m gunning for Goofy, who’s he? soon to be missing
After the acid in which I’m gonna dip him
He’s such a halfwit, but I got precision
In spite of the fact that my dizziest vision
Gets straight out my jacket, I’m gonna be ripping
My posse did not give me one bit permission
So a razor is all I got
But when I give you a trim, I don’t miss a spot
Like an Acme accident, I watch you plotting
Frame your ass like you’re Roger Rabbit
If you’re rooting for Goofy in this war
You don’t have a dog in the fight anymore
[VERSE 3 (SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD AS GREASY)]:
You want that sleazy beastie? Easy peasy
I’m the weasel in the green suit, call me Greasy
When piggies squeezed me, caught a four year pause
In Oz, my cellmate was Adebisi
Back on the streets, and it’s time for beating
Goody two-shoe toons with no rhyme or reason
Half expertise and half a lot of luck
Now it’s open season on Donald Duck
I’ma gut him, I’ma cut him open with a switchblade
I’ma handle this one in a quick way
Got a towel? Blood is coming sick thick, wow
Water fowl, who’s a stubborn nitwit now?
I’ll make a pate, but where’s the rest of his body go?
Maldita sea la madre que te parió
Oh, I’m so ecstatic with the violence and havoc
I’m having, I might just die laughing
[Chorus]
Five ways to kill a toon today
In Judge Doom’s name they play the game
Weasels on a hunt, dip in hand
Chasing toons from Toontown land
Mickey, Donald, Goofy too
Pluto, Chip and Dale, they through
Weasels on a hunt coming for you
Coming for you
[VERSE 4 (THE STUPENDIUM AS WHEEZY)]:
Hey, who's that coming through a cloud of smoke?
Got that smog in me, honest, the amount I toke
Got dogs to out-Fox and the Hound to poach
Gonna rap against Wheezy? You're bound to choke
Hey, Pluto! One half of a Duo!
Master leads the cast, but check the past and where were you-o?
Overlooked for thirty years, you don't appear, not even drew-o
Only came back in the 80s in our film as a cameo
Mute mutt! Whassamatta? Cheshire Cat got your tongue?
What's the deal, why ya' keeping shtum?
'Cause if YOU'RE a dog – and GOOFY'S a dog...
Why you on a leash? What, you playing dumb?
Well, it ain't gonna save ya'! Fine, don't believe me?
I'll dip both your bitches, Dinah and Fifi
Coughing fits as I smoke 'em - now
Will your coffin fit when I snub you out?
[VERSE 5 (MC SNAX AS STUPID)]:
Stupid Weasel, I don’t play
Not really sure how I got the name
What’s that? You heard I ain’t the sharpest tack?
Well, how about the one on my baseball bat?
Chip and Dale, my new targets
Two for one, that’s a bargain
I’m hardcore, but you’re Mick Foley
I’ll throw you off the cell into the dip, homie
I’ve never really been one to call out a sellout
But y’all did a reboot after you fell out?
I’m the crook? Don’t make me laugh
Think I’m dumb? Here’s some math
Two little chipmunks running
When they see a ’37 Dodge Humpback coming
Five weasels above the law
And that’s 48 reasons that I love my job
[Chorus]
Five ways to kill a toon today
In Judge Doom’s name they play the game
Weasels on a hunt, dip in hand
Chasing toons from Toontown land
Mickey, Donald, Goofy too
Pluto, Chip and Dale, they through
Weasels on a hunt coming for you
Coming for you
