DICK GUMSHOE:
[scatting "Jingle Bells"]
[gasps, spoken]
Is that snow!?
...No. Shoulda known, I guess…
Heheh, I don't think I've ever seen it snow around here
Sure would be nice if it did, though...
[sung]
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…
But then again, aren’t we all?
Wouldn’t it be nice
If instead of rain and ice
A fluffy, cleansing snow started to fall?
Christmas bells are ringing
Carolers are singing
And here I am again without a penny to my name
My tree’s less than two feet
Ramen’s all I got to eat
And it seems like things will always be the same
Alone in my small tower
Those Christmas bells ring sour
Every yеar, they have played thе same way
But I keep on smiling
Long as those bells keep chiming
'Cause I believe that things could change on this beautiful Christmas day!
MAYA FEY:
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…
[spoken]
C’mon Nick, help me hang the star!
PHOENIX WRIGHT:
It doesn’t snow here, Maya
MAYA:
I know. But…
[sung]
Wouldn’t it be nice
If instead of rain and ice
Snow traveled down from afar!
[spoken]
It snows up in the mountains, you know!
PHOENIX:
Yeah, and then it melts into horrible, freezing rain on the way down
MAYA:
Niiick! Where’s your holiday spirit?
PHOENIX:
Hey!
MAYA (PHOENIX) [sung]:
C’mon St. Nick ([spoken] Cute…)
Pack up for your trip
Because we’ve got a long way
To go, don’t you know?
Before it starts to snow ([spoken] It doesn’t snow!)
On this beautiful Christmas day!
It’s that time of year
Filled with warmth and cheer
It’s almost like the world stops to breathe a sigh (Sigh…)
Listen, hear them sing
How those Christmas bells ring
And you know everything is gonna be alright…
PHOENIX [spoken]:
Hmph. Maybe
MAYA:
Oh, bah humbug! What’s got you so down?
PHOENIX:
I’m sorry Maya, it’s just…
[sung]
Here, having a Fey/Wright Christmas
It just feels somehow out of form
With cheer I should be reeling
But I cannot shake the feeling
That this is all the calm before the storm
MAYA:
Storms bring snow…!
Storms bring—
PHOENIX:
No investigative capers
All this time just filing papers
Everything’s going our way
I'm not really sure why
But I feel something's awry
On this beautiful Christmas day…
MAYA [spoken]:
Oh, Nick, you’re just being paranoid. If you can’t ask for miracles on Christmas, when can you ask for them? Right?
PHOENIX:
When, indeed…
MAYA:
Come on! Last one to open a gift is a rotten egg! Haha!
[Simultaneous 1:]
PHOENIX [sung]:
Here, having a Fey/Wright Christmas
It just feels somehow out of form
With cheer I should be reeling
But I cannot shake the feeling
That this is all the calm before the storm
[Simultaneous 2:]
GUMSHOE:
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…
Just like the ones the carols know
GUMSHOE/MAYA:
Wouldn’t it be nice
If instead of rain and ice
A dark and distant storm brought in the snow?
[End simultaneous]
GUMSHOE [answering the phone, spoken]:
Gumshoe here. Wha--Mr. Edgeworth has been WHAT?!
[sung]
Those Christmas bells sound sour
Like they’re counting down the hour
Till everything crumbles away
GUMSHOE (MAYA):
The world’s teeming with life (Listen, hear them sing)
No one expects the drop of the knife... (How those Christmas bells do ring)
MAYA:
And everything will be alright…
PHOENIX/MAYA:
On this beautiful Christmas…!
GUMSHOE [barging in, spoken]:
Hey!
PHOENIX:
Detective Gumshoe?
MAYA:
Merry Christmas!
PHOENIX:
You know a knock would’ve sufficed—
GUMSHOE:
No, nononono, no time for that, pal! Something crazy's just happened!
MAYA:
Hey, where’s my present, pal?
GUMSHOE:
O-okay, first off, don’t say “pal”. That’s MY endearing character trait. And secondly, take a look at this!
PHOENIX [reading newspaper]:
Hmm, let's see...
“Foul Play at Gourd Lake: Miles Edgeworth--Arrested!?
The young prosecutor, known for his tough stance on crime, was arrested this morning due to suspicious circumstances surrounding the discovery of an unidentified body in Gourd Lake.” W-what!?
MAYA:
No way... Nick, how could this happen!?
PHOENIX:
I… I guess I was right
MAYA [sung]:
Will it turn out alright...?
GUMSHOE/PHOENIX/MAYA:
I can’t believe
How things have changed
On this ominous
Christmas day
