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Cover Art

Diner Lobster Lyrics by Saturday Night Live

2018

(Spoken Intro)
[WAITER]
Did you two order yet?
[CUSTOMERS]
Nah
[WAITER]
Did you two carve gang signs into the baby-changing station?
[CUSTOMERS]
Yeah
[WAITER]
All right, what do you want to eat?
[CUSTOMER 2]
Uh, yeah. I'll have a grilled cheese deluxe, and can I get a salad instead of the fries, please?
[WAITER]
Sure thing, one grilled cheese vagina-style. Great, how about you, pal?
[CUSTOMER 1]
You know what? I'll have the lobster
[WAITER]
Excuse me?
[CUSTOMER 1]
The lobster special
[CUSTOMER 2]
Dude, did you just order lobster in a diner?
[CUSTOMER 1]
Yeah, why?
[CUSTOMER 2]
Because it's a diner! No one orders a lobster in a diner. The whole seafood section is there on the menu as a joke, man. I mean, seafood! The word "seafood" is in quotes!
[CUSTOMER 1]
I want lobster, okay? I won my lawsuit against Bumble for getting zero matches, and I want to celebrate!
[WAITER]
But the lobster, you're sure you want the lobster?
[CUSTOMER 1]
I don't see what the big deal is. It's on the menu. Like, I'll have the damn lobster
[CUSTOMER 2]
Just don't do it!
[WAITER]
As you wish. All right, everyone, the time has come. We've got an order here for one lobster
(Song)
[LOBSTER]
Who am I? And why am I condemned to boil alive?
When all that I have done is live my life?
[WAITER]
And why would someone on a whim
Choose from all to order him
Who's this guy?
[LOBSTER]
I thought that there was an unspoken rule
That lobster in a diner's never cool
A diner menu's way too long
And half the things are fake or wrong
[COOK]
Must he die? How can you ever face his lobster friends?
How can you ever face yourself again?
Monster!
[LOBSTER]
I've lived here 40 years, I know
An age that lobsters never grow
And in that time, there's been no one
To order any crustaceans
Who am I?
[LOBSTER, WAITER, AND COOK]
Lobster Number One!
(Spoken Interlude)
[CUSTOMER 2]
I mean, you can't eat the lobster now, man! They just sang Les Miz, bro!
[CUSTOMER 1]
I'm sorry, dude. I'm more of a Mean Girls guy, on Broadway now!
[CUSTOMER 2]
Wait, what's happening now?
[CLAWSETTE]
Papa?
[LOBSTER]
Clawsette! Oh, what are you doing here?
[CLAWSETTE]
There's something I wanted to tell you, Papa
(Song)
Papa, I've heard they want you dead
Let me go in your place instead
Whether it's boiled, steamed, or fried
Up to the great tank in the sky
(Spoken Interlude)
[LOBSTER]
No, Clawsette, I can't let you do that! It's not your time, it's mine!
[CLAWSETTE]
I love you, Papa
[LOBSTER]
I love you, too! Now, run. Run from this place!
[CUSTOMER 2]
Dude, the little baby lobster! Just order something else!
[CUSTOMER 1]
Hey, they put it on the menu. I'm calling their bluff
[WAITER AND COOK]
Form the barricade!
[CUSTOMER 2]
Wait, there's a barricade?
[CUSTOMER 1]
Wow, this diner has incredible set design!
(Song)
[WAITER]
Will you join in our crusade
To keep the lobster from this pot?
[COOK]
Will you drop the masquerade
And give our BLT a shot?
[LOBSTER]
Then join in the fight
That'd give us the right
To be free!
[ALL]
Do you hear the lobster scream?
Screaming the screams of scalding flames?
It is the screaming of a lobster
And this dummy's here to blame
When the churning in your bowels
Matches the burning of his shell
You'll know why lobsters in a diner never sell!
Lobsters!
You don't order them
In diners!
(Spoken Outro)
[CUSTOMER 1]
All right, all right, all right. Forget the lobster, I'll have the veal instead
[ALL]
Yay!
[WAITER]
All right, everybody, let's go kill that baby cow!
[ALL]
Yeah!
Credits
Saturday Night Live

Saturday Night Live

About “Diner Lobster” by Saturday Night Live

Read the complete lyrics to "Diner Lobster" by Saturday Night Live in 2018. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under TV, Comedy, Pop.

"Diner Lobster" is performed by Saturday Night Live. in 2018 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Diner Lobster", explore more songs by Saturday Night Live using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Diner Lobster" is credited to Saturday Night Live. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

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Visit the Saturday Night Live artist page at /artist/saturday-night-live for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.