TERRIBLE RAP BATTLES OF COMIC SANS
ECKELS
VS
THE HIGHWAYMAN
BEGIN!
Eckels:
Yo, it’s me, Eckels! I’ve got a lot of freckles, (Heaugh!)
And I’m about to heckle this fool like Dr. Jekyll! (Heaugh!)
I’m the best MC in the country whose capital is Washington D.C! (Heaugh!)
Like the Time Safari, I’m in that club FC like the FDTRCEPP! (Heaugh!)
Your name’s the Highwayman? HA! What’rya livin’ in the streets? (Heaugh!)
Fighting off all them raccoons and whatevums while sleeping in trash sheets? (Heaugh!)
The Highwayman? I’ll beat’cha my way, man! I’mma make yo’ brain splatter, (Heaugh!)
Because I’m from the future! Spoiler alert! You gonna diе soon, your life don’t matter! (Heaugh!)
Thе Highwayman:
Yo, it’s me, the Highwayman! I’ve got the best rap battle plan!
Do I got the skills to beat this stupid dupid choked-up fool? Oh, yes I can!
Rap so fast, even Tim the ocelot knows I’m the lyrical John Rambo
‘Cause the Highwayman’s gonna come ridin’, ridin’, skrt skrt, in his Lambo!
Did Alfred write my poem? No-yes? YES! I’m from America!
So don’t step into my highway, OR IT’S GONNA GET SCARY! Yuh!
Ask Bessica! I’m the best-ica in the whole North West-ica!
I put this mess-ica to rest-ica, so let’s all throw a fiest-ica!
Eckels:
That’s it! You went too far! I’m done with this ugly guy! (Heaugh!)
Like I said, your life don’t matter, so you’ll be the first to die! (Heaugh!)
*pew*
Redcoats:
Yo, it’s the redcoats! What the heck, bro? He was our kill!
*pew*
Travis:
Yo, it's Travis! WHAT DID YOU JUST DO? EXPLAIN IT IF YOU WILL!
Eckels:
He’s marked red!
Travis:
-HE’S A REDCOAT! HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE RED, YOU DUMMY! -(Heaugh!)
NOW, ALL OF HISTORY IS RUINED! NO MORE KILLING, OR WE’RE DONE-Y! -(Heaugh!)
*pew*
Eckels:
Shut up! I’ve got of list of people to kill, and now, I’m unopposed! (Heaugh!)
*sound of thunder*
Peter:
Yo!
Yo, it’s me Peter! Not Parker, Peter Hadley!
Gonna kill you, ‘cause my parents parented me George Badly!
Eckels:
I’m sorry, kid. Did you just say George Hadley? (Heaugh!)
I wanna kill him too, so tell me, where’s yo daddy? (Heaugh!)
Peter:
I’m sorry. Did you just say you want to kill my dad?
Well, I already killed him! Too bad, so sad
Just kidding, he’s in the nursery. I’ve got nothing to hide!
So come on, quick, get inside!
Eckels:
Alrighty! If you insist. (Heaugh!)
Oh jeezums, no! Who did this? I bet it wasn’t a pacifist! (Heaugh!)
Peter:
Ha! You’re too late, and now you’re gonna meet your fate!
Eckels:
Oh gee, oh god, oh heavens, no! I must have miscalculate-d. (Heaugh!)
Lions:
Yo, we’re the lions! Mmm, and we’re hungry!
We’re gonna kill you because your death is super duper funny!
*pew*
Eckels:
Uh…that was easy! (Heaugh!)
Travis, take me home because that was just a breezy! (Heaugh!)
Oh shoot, he’s gone! Now I’m trapped in here forever! (Heaugh!)
I wish I could leave! Someone take me to my era where it’s better! (Heaugh!)
Yes! Wait, why’s the sign all messed up? Is this the future? (Heaugh!)
Hey, dude at the counter? Who’s our president? (Heaugh!)
Deutscher:
-DEUTSCHER!
Yo, it’s me, Deutsher, and I’m a huge douchebag!
I’m bossy like Mr. Krabs, so you can call me Dutchland!
You screwed up time, so thank you for voting for me!
I hope you enjoyed your trip to the Tyme Sefari!
Eckels:
Oh god, it was fake! Yes! Wait, but how did he die? (Heaugh!)
And how’d I kill those stupid lions? *gasp* It was real the whole time! (Heaugh!)
And that means that vision was real! Oh, beaver dams! (Heaugh!)
My shoe feels icky! Oh no! It’s ‘cause I stepped on the Highwayman! (Heaugh!)
I just want to go back! I’ll never shoot people again! (Heaugh!)
I just wish I could go back before the announcer said BEGIN! (Heaugh!)
Wait, Travis? I’m so sorry, dude! Please don’t kill me! (Heaugh!)
*sound of thunder*
Travis:
Hee hee!
WHO WON?
WHO’S NEXT?
WE DECIDE!
TERRIBLE RAP BATTLES *thunder strikes* OF COMIC SANS!
