[Verse 1: sy]
To identify, it is something that I can't find in, "I"
Testify, I'd help others because my body hasn't been mines
Not sure for how long, for not sure where I'd belong
Religious, I wasn't, and I couldn't-
Simulations, temporary salivations on what I've learnt
Low population, for those that know my worth'
Use my experience as education, to heal the hurts
'Cause life's not pride, true formation's from rebirth
Something that I'm trying to, process and insert'
Assert, but it's been a conflict between me and I'
Myself, couldn't compromise, D.O.T Heist
Can I confide? Broken pieces of my soul, divide'
Loss and scattered, but reassurance from my Mother
My mother, ain't had the best life, that's not right'
Why is he on her? Family cried, screams recall the night
Should've grabbed a knife, but it wasn't on sight
'Cause what was right? I was barely five-
Look like an innocent flower, a serpent underneath
That's not what she is, but that is her grieve
She don't make it public, but the look on her face
She, herself, suffered from abuse, but people think, "exaggerate"
'Cause how it's been normalized, how it's been retraced
The bruise on her, I still remember when it took place
And his knuckles red, to relaunch and impact like vase-
-that's broken, my bad, I've lost focus
I'm in examination, my thoughts must be illusions
Desolation from oneself, I've been rather absent
I hope Mother is alright, but, I blame myself like no other'
I hope she knows that I love her-
[Chorus: Ohana]
Hoping that I can be forget that the trauma
The trauma that I've had suffered
Mhm, hoping that I can just forget, the trauma
That I had to endure
[Verse 2: sy]
Met my first brother, he was the light in the summer
Made me feel like, I mattered with shinin' colours
Vibrant like Murakami', and he was no other
He was the type, to love you regardless, so I love him-
But I felt under, felt uneasy and unheard-
Realized that company don't cure lonely (Mhm)
In some parts, and that's when next summer, I met her
It strained my brother, brotherhood in dirt
'Cause he was sayin' truths, whilst I was in lies: plummet
She had my heart, the way she cared and comfort'
Nurtured, but she hit me in verbals, said I'm worthless
'Cause I was hurt, and she took advantage of-
Thought I had to always listen to the olders'
Made me expose to her, added more grieve to hurt
But I didn't believe, 'cause I thought it was true love
Thought it, even when bein' blocked for months
I was only thirteen, naive and gullible, still young-
Oversprung, overdumb and myself, I couldn't confront
My loneliness took over, metaphorically drunk and not sober
My mother, asked, why you're not eating, I said:
"I'm not hungry" but I was in hunger, instead-
I did drugs, and I did cuts to decline my worth
Alone felt at disgust, peace felt at distrust
My mother concurred, asked, "why you always on the computer?"
I said nothin', gave a shrug, and I didn't think of-
Lyin' to Mother, the guilt builds like no other
Originally from when she was hurt, when younger
And inside, I wanted to be loved, so I thought online was easier
But it was the same occurrence, it stinged on
Where do I belong? Why is it takin' this long?
What's my right or wrongs? Why am I so out of-
It was that damn computer, and it had me feelin' colder
Even though, only thing that was my comfort'
Anvil on my shoulder, but I still added more 'cause I thought there was hope
Hope-
[Chorus: Ohana]
Hoping that I can be forget that the trauma
The trauma that I've had suffered
Mhm, hoping that I can just forget, the trauma
That I had to endure
[Verse 3: sy]
Another occurrence, comfort to discomfort, how it hurts
I've lost control, of how my mind flows, dark lurks
Got clean for both subs' but I feel like I'm in a hearse
How can I bear such, when it really feels so much?
Corpse gone cold, but my mind's still warm though
From the excess of thoughts, and the overbearin' in heart
It's clear, I got barriers that I can't comprehend, not at all
Doesn't help that I desolate, so I take a further fall'
-"Knock it off" but how can I? It's going thru' another mile
My own kryptonite, mhm, and she's a hypocrite'
Another older groomed me, despite; knowin' what I went through, considered it
Told her 'bout family, she laughed knowin' the condition
How the tree has been rotting, in addition;
Seein' my Mother hurt again, the way he delivered it
It's why I embedded if he does it again, that I'll kill him
And she's still laughing, so, she's no longer my assistance
Then us no more, I felt so brave, only time I noticed it once-
Mhm, the company don't fix lonely no co-existence'
But flashbacks of domestic abuse appear, and it's sudden
Wit' me being groomed only adds to it, then multiples
Because it wasn't just once, but it's obvious I keep that hidden
What I've experienced strained the best relationships'
So the guilt only dwells, does God accept my forgiveness?
I was never taught religious, so, I'm just hoping He is'
'Till this day, the flashbacks occur, even during examination
I remember, being three, Father was high on his addiction
Triggered anger, because money wasn't in our business
At the time, it was just council and dirty dishes'
This one time, Mother wanted to reward us in the nearest'
Wit' fries and Filet O' Fish, it was 'bit expensive
Then he beat her, I was in front of 'em with tears
The bruises appeared, on her stomach, face feared'
Because she's scared of him, so it's why-
I don't take inspiration or any relations towards my Father
Because I won't beat my wife, nor would I beat my daughter
I was almost molested, I've been through it'
But never have I thought boilin' my blood and to hit
Nobody knows me but an imagery, and that's my peace
'Cause they never got to know me, jus' fat and grease
Least I found a comfort of discomfort in bein' alone, happily
Mhm, and now I told you my fuckin' story
Are you gon' prejudice, laugh and make fuckin' fun of me?
You can remain in arrogance and fuckin' refuse to believe
That people have experienced similarities, in secrecy'
To the people that I have, I'm sorry- but we will get better
No matter what happened, we can't let that dwell us'
Help one another, you're not alone and we're in this together-
We are not our hurts, so don't let that expel us'
And it's something I never told myself, all this time
So you know why I'm scared of bein' me?
I'm my own duality, from the traumatic that's post and beyond me
It's why I've spent a year on helpin' others, doin' therapy
It's why, I distant from myself to find knowledge in difference'
It's why, I've spent a year hiatus so I can find recovery
It's why, I'm living because it's a must, not a preference
Why I decided to change entirely, at the age 16-
I am no longer my hurt, and it's now I prolong my worth
I get what I deserved, and use that so I can learn
God said, "don't you dare burn" as that's the Devil churns
As I rebirth, I think 'bout havin' a daughter or son
But this time, I thought 'bout myself and not to return
I yelled, "Allah, may you allow me to open my heart?"
Said that I want to live, to find my worth
[Chorus: Ohana]
Hoping that I can be forget that the trauma
The trauma that I've had suffered
Mhm, hoping that I can just forget, the trauma
That I had to endure
[Outro: Her & Osdi]
You've now confronted it, head on-
Now you can acknowledge your peace
The truest, and can obtain it
Your power is something, special
To confront yourself like that-
That takes a lot, you know that, right?
Proud of you
Take this time to recover
I am so glad that you've won
Your child is blessed to have a father like you-
For your own realization, and making sure they don't experience the same
Guide you, guide me, guide us, that's what God's for
Ride through, what's mean, I see, forgiveness ain't a war
