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Mrs. Claus vs. Mary Poppins Lyrics by Whitney Avalon

Princess Rap Battle

2014

[Announcer]
Princess Rap Battle. Mrs. Claus versus Mary Poppins!
[Mary]
When there’s a looming battle to be faced and fought, the lesson is: get right to it
Practically perfect people prefer to be polite, but sometimes you just have to say “screw it”
You never get applause
You’re the dependent Claus
You’re known for wrapping toys
But my rapping skill destroys
I’m money in the Banks so show some respect
If you tear me up like paper then I’ll resurrect
And I suspect you should check your cholesterol twice
Hey, fat cat, how are you at catching mice?
You’re like a piecrust, so easily smashed
I’ll feed the birds what’s left of you once you’ve been trashed
I hear it’s been years since the North Pole got rigid
Today’s forecast says you’re entirely frigid
[Mrs. Claus]
Don’t go there, honey, the word around town
Is just a spoonful of sugar gets you to go down
The parrot on your parasol does nothing but protest (Hey!)
You’re a stuck-up servant, ho-ho-horribly dressed
The biggest charity since ever, we help the masses
With you a couple kids get splinters in their asses (Cheeky!)
Your rhymes are weak - you’re a low stakes player
Come at me, freak - I’ll one-horse open slay ya
I’m behind the scenes, but that doesn’t mean I’m dumb
I run the workshop, keep the books, and advise my sugar plum
I’m a baker, all about these rolls, a big broad bruiser
Even your reflection thinks you’re a loser
[Mary]
I find this a bore, let’s double it up
[Mrs. Claus]
Oh, bring it on, sister, we will mess your shit up!
[Mrs. Claus]
Bert
[Bert]
Santa
[Santa]
Mary
[Mary]
…Mrs.?
[Bert]
Extemporized before your very eyes
Love to laugh at jolly guys I despise
I likes what I raps and I raps what I likes
‘cause damn right Van Dyke rocks these mics
You’re an icon of greed that’s perverted the season
You give coal to bad kids, Mary teaches ‘em reason, she’s
[Mary]
Super classy, swagolistic, extremely ferocious
[Mary & Bert]
Super classy, swagolistic, extremely ferocious
[Mary]
I could do this whole verse backwards, but I truly feel
I’m through wasting my time, because you’re not even real
[Santa]
Fool, I’m real, and I’m spectacular
This Dick can’t stick to an accent or vernacular
[Mrs. Claus]
Your ugly carpet bag might impress a dunce
[Santa]
But my sack holds billions of presents at once
The whole world counts down to December twenty-fourth
Winter is coming, I’m the “King in the North”
[Mrs. Claus]
Drinking one Coke a year has made us rich
[Santa]
My list’s never wrong: it says you’re a bitch
[Mary]
Please don’t act like you’re some kind of saint, Nick
[Bert]
Always spying on minors
[Mary & Bert]
That’s jailbait, prick
[Mrs. Claus]
This boring British wench needs a long winter’s nap
[Santa]
You’ve been a naughty girl, shut up and sit on my lap
[Mary]
That’s quite enough of that, the winds have changed here
Let’s see how well you fly without your reindeer
Credits
Whitney Avalon

Whitney Avalon

About “Mrs. Claus vs. Mary Poppins” by Whitney Avalon

Read the complete lyrics to "Mrs. Claus vs. Mary Poppins" by Whitney Avalon from the album "Princess Rap Battle" in 2014. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Comedy, Rap.

"Mrs. Claus vs. Mary Poppins" is performed by Whitney Avalon. from the album "Princess Rap Battle" in 2014 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Mrs. Claus vs. Mary Poppins", explore more songs by Whitney Avalon using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Mrs. Claus vs. Mary Poppins" is credited to Whitney Avalon. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Mrs. Claus vs. Mary Poppins" appears on "Princess Rap Battle" in 2014.

Visit the Whitney Avalon artist page at /artist/whitney-avalon for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.