REDD WHITE [sung]:
Redd White makes the rules
Redd White throws the dice
Redd White’s got the personage that makes everyone look twice
Redd White draws the lines
Redd White deals the cards
People stop me everywhere to betrust me their regards. (Hello!)
But Redd’s a decent man
With old-fashionеd ideals
Redd will answer ONE quеstion ‘cause that’s just how nice he feels
PHOENIX WRIGHT [spoken]:
Well, okay, Mr. White, fine. If Bluecorp isn’t for blackmail, what does it do, exactly?
REDD:
Ah, Bluecorp. My labor of love. My pride and prejudice
[sung]
Bluecorp deals in information
We buy and sell it too
You may not know, but Bluecorp is named for the color blue!
[spoken]
Thought it up myself!
[sung]
Redd White gets the best
Redd White follows through
Ask not what you can do for Redd but what Redd can do for you!
[spoken]
And what can Redd White do for you, monseñor? I’ll count that last question as a practice–now here’s your only chance! Make it worthwhile
PHOENIX:
Okay, Mr. White, fine. There was one last thing I wanted to know: who’d you take that statue from?
REDD:
Take!? How dare you accusify me of something like that!? This is a Paris original straight from Canada! Speaking of, I’ll bet you’ve never been to Canada. It’s not a far hike, just north of here. Go straight, you can’t miss it. I especially love that mountain with the presidents, oh, and that big tower that leans to the side. Ah nostalgification… Now what could ever make you think—
PHOENIX:
Senator Patrick McArthur, perhaps?
REDD:
I’m not familiar with the title of his personage...
PHOENIX:
A politician who killed himself
REDD [sung]:
I think I know his name...
PHOENIX [spoken]:
He was caught embezzling government funds
REDD [sung]:
That really is a shame
PHOENIX [spoken]:
And then one day the press got wind of it
REDD [sung]:
Are you quite finished now?
PHOENIX [spoken]:
And the day after, he killed himself!
REDD [sung]:
And this concerns me how?
PHOENIX:
Mia Fey knew everything about your operation
Your blackmailing has caused countless to die
Bluecorp’s blackmailing thrives
While you take hundreds of lives
But it stops right here
No more will you paralyze with fear!
REDD [spoken]:
You have some pretty magnificentacious claims there, Mr...Wrong, was it? But how does this all connect with me? Come now, make me laugh. Indulge me; it’s quite alright to exasperize my prodigical and cosmopolitan sense of humór
PHOENIX:
Mia Fey found the connection. On this file, there’s a list of suicides. All of them marked with the name “White.”
REDD:
Uh--ahahaha! Mr. Wrong, why are you spending all this time investigating me? Shouldn’t you be looking for the murderer of your dear Ms. Fey?
PHOENIX:
And just what do you think I’m doing, Mr. White?
REDD [sung]:
You must have talked to Grodyberg
I guess he had to speak
PHOENIX [spoken]:
It's Grossberg...
REDD [sung]:
Ask him why I have his painting
I’ll tell ya why: he’s weak
Only the strong survive, kid
And Redd White’s the alpha male
Redd White’s the king of the jungle–
That Grossface... he’s a whale
So don’t you come here trying
To kick me off my throne
Let he who is with sin (and loves it)
Cast the final stone
[picks up phone, spoken]
Connect me with the Chief Prosecutor’s office, please, and then please call security. I’ve a raving madman on my hands!
BELINDA DUBOIS:
You betcha, Mr. White
[phone rings, picks up]
LANA SKYE:
White? What do you want? This isn’t a great time
REDD:
I’ve decided I want to attestify in tomorrow’s trial. It seems the culprit was right here all along
LANA:
I thought you said you didn’t want anything to do with--
REDD:
Quietude! I said I changed my mind, now didn’t I, and I DON’T believe you’re in any position to question me
[phone hangs up]
PHOENIX:
You didn’t!
REDD:
Yeah, Mr. Lawyer? What’re you going to do? You don’t understand, kid. I control the police. I control the prosecution. I control the judge. I am the law. He who has the money has the control, Mr. Wrong. You’re nothing but a mere lawyer. That’s all Mia Fey was, too
[sung]
Redd White breaks the rules
Redd White loads the dice
Redd White has the power, so take Redd White’s advice:
Redd White stacks the deck
Redd White is always ahead...
Ask not what Redd can do for you, but what you can do for Redd!
Ahahahahah!
