Yes, I'm Petey Wheatstraw
The Devil's son-in-law
The High Sheriff of Hell
I fuck notorious fanny and [?] made a whore outta Lulubelle
I got a string of whorehouses from coast to coast
And protection for them like an invisible ghost
I got four opera houses, three restaurants, two bars, and one grill
Just to serenade the bitches that I'm gon' fuck and drive through the mill
It was in the early 1960s when I first originate my pimpin' game
I was callin' whores "Jive ass bitches", and pimps "Sucka ass lanes"
I got magic powers
I pulled a hell of a trick
I sandpapered an elephant's ass down to fit my dick
Now I was ridin' down the street one bright sunny day
And I saw a bitch standin' over on the corner lookin' like a lump of sugar 'bout to be melted away
I said "Baby, who are you waitin' for? Can it be me?"
She said "I'm waitin' for my man, Slim, and don't you fuck wit' me"
Said "I been out here on these streets all the muthafuckin' night, and I haven't got Slim's money right"
I said "Bitch, you can never be a star, I'm the pimp of the nation! I'm Petey Wheatstraw"
He said "You ain't nothin' but a jive ass bitch and yo' man is a lane"
"I'm the only pimpin' muthafucka and bitch I'll show you how to play the game"
She says "Why you half bad muthafucka"
"I'm Two-Cum-Carrie, I fucked a thousand women's husbands and I ain't never been married!"
"And Petey Wheatstraw you a damn fool"
"Why don't you challenge me to a fuckin' duel?"
"And just as sure as there's four corners on this muthafuckin' block"
"I'm gonna smother yo' ass with this good hot cock"
Now all the pimps, the cock suckers, and the bull-dykers gathered around
They wanted to see that badass Two-Cum-Carrie lay Petey Wheatstraw's ass down
Now old Annabel let out a hearty fart
That was the signal for the fuckin' bout to start
Petey Wheatstraw pulled out a looong bedroom dick from his [coked ?] out pants
And fell right into Two-Cum-Carrie's ass
Two-Cum-Carrie began to moan, began to groan, began to squeal
Even fucked all the grass from off the side of the hill
They fucked in the garden and the alley clean to the back yard
Petey Wheatstraw fucked for three days and his dick was still hard
They fucked in the parlor, in the porch, clean up on top of the roof
Petey Wheatstraw said "You gon' be a well fucked bitch when I turn you-a-loose"
Two-Cum-Carrie said "Petey Wheatstraw, you done fucked me all over this block", said "Why don't you come on and eat some of this good cock"
Petey Wheatstraw said "Bitch, you ain't nothin' but a drag"
Said "Yo' pussy so funk it'll make a maggot gag!"
Petey Wheatstraw said "Bitch! Befo' I suck yo' pussy for you, here's some of the thangs you gon' have to do!"
Said "I want you to jump off the Empire State Buildin' in a paper sack!"
"Look up a camel's ass and scare the hump out of his back"
"Then jump off the Eiffel Tower and land on yo' muthafuckin' head"
"Get up and do the mash potatoes and prove to me that you ain't dead"
"Catch the tail of a astro-jet and get off at cloud nine"
"Drank a bottle of milk of magnesia and some red port wine"
"Then parachute off the clouds real fast, land on the White House yard and shit on the grass"
"Take the President's necktie and wipe yo' muthafuckin' ass"
"I want you to get the Queen of England's golden slippers, not the shoes"
"Tune up yo' ass in B-flat make it sing the St Louis Blues"
"Cause I'll hound and I'll clown and I'll spit in a bitch's face"
"Right in the crack of yo' ass, my foot will find its place"
"And when you die and go to Hell"
"You can tell my father-in-law that you were signed, sealed and delivered by Petey Wheatstraw"
Two-Cum-Carrie said "The shit done hit the fan"
Said "You in a world of trouble cause here come my man"
He said "I'm Slim! I'm from a creek that they call [Battle ?]"
"I've took my bare hands and jacked the horns off of a whole Goddamn herd of cattle"
Said "I'll fuck you up without a cause, I'll even make your pappy drop his draws"
Said "I got a graveyard disposition and a tombstone mind"
"I'll fuck up any muthafucka cause I don't mind dyin'"
"I'm forty-six inches across my chest, I don't fear nothin' but the good Lord in death"
Petey Wheatstraw said "Well you long lanky muthafucka, you ain't nothin' but a sucka!"
"I was born in a barrel of butcher knives, I been shot in my ass with two Colt .45s"
"I been slapped by a bear and bit by an eel"
"I chew up railroad iron and shit out steel"
"I jumped in the ocean and swallowed a whale"
"Handcuffed lightnin' and throwed thunder's ass in jail"
"I walk through the graveyard like a bolt of thunder"
"Made the tombstones jump and put the dead on the wander"
"When I wanna fuck I go in the lion's den"
"Fuck all the he-lions and [?] the she-lions [?]"
"I put fear in a gorilla and took the sting from a bee"
"You got to be an ignant, ignant muthafucka to fuck wit' me"
Here comes [?]
She said "Well Petey Wheatstraw, you got me in yo' muthafuckin [?]"
"You had me carryin' a sign around sayin' "Pussy for sale"
"But now yo' bad pimpin' ass is goin' to jail"
The police picked up Petey Wheatstraw, let him kiss his wife
Put him in San Quentin for natural life
The day he went to court to get his time
He kicked the judge in the ass and blew the DA's mind
Petey Wheatstraw said "I want all of you low life, ignant, [?], molded, mildewed muthafuckas to listen to what I have to say"
"Pussy brought me here, now you see it sendin' me away!"
"But if I live, and time come to pass"
"I'll be forever, keepin' my foot in a bitch's ass"
"Cause I'm Petey Wheatstraw!"
"The Devil's son-in-law!"
"The Hiiiigh Sheriff of Hell!"
"The Hiiiigh Sheriff of Hell!"
"You may be Petey Wheatstraw, but get yo' black ass in this six-by-six cell"
