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I’m No Comedian Lyrics by Tom Green

Prepare for Impact

0

Ha
Ha
For those of you that think this is, a comedy record...
Check it!
[Verse 1:]
I'm no comedian
I'm a fiend for nicotine
But I don't need a cigarette
Know what I mean?
I keep 'em bustin' a nut
On these routines
You'll never see a brick wall
Back of my blue jeans
So come around
Open your mouth for protein
If rockin' the mic was a drug
Then I'm a dope fiend
There's not a neon sign that says
"Yum, Yums" or "Cracker Jacks"
My raps are causin' laugh attacks
Not knock knock jokes
I tickle trunks
Now who's on first?
You silly punks
Home, without hit re-runs
It won't be syndicated sitcoms
Just me droppin' bombs
'Cause I'm no comedian
I'm droppin' dope like this one
It's not Carrot Top causin' a shit storm
I'm break wreck
Roll over ya like a german tank
There's no redemption
This ain't shawshank
Or Johnny Carson
Or Buddy Mark
Unless Pee-Wee Herman
But funny like Biz Markee
But I ain't no joke
On the mic I'm a killa
So go get in a cacoon and curl up like a caterpillar
You wanna have a chuckle? (Ha, Ha)
I'm not in the mood
So just buckle up your seat buckle
And prepare for impact
And if you're wearin' your retard helmet then you'll be intact
[Chorus:]
I'm droppin' dope like this one Ha, ha, ha, ha
I'm no comedian
I'm droppin' dope like this one
And I ain't no joke
[Verse 2:]
I'm no comedian
I got too many fat raps
And sucka Emcees flat like flapjacks
I'm not tellin' a joke or a riddle
I'm not Jack Paar
Jumpin' on a stool in the middle of the stage
Under the spotlight
I'm just a roastin' most of ya
Never been toasted
I'm the poster for boastin'
I got more flows than your foes
And tongue-tied in a twiddle
Dee-dot, duh-deedle-deedle dum!
Ha, Ha Ha, Ha
I'm no comedian
I'm rippin' it up in every medium
I sound dope
You sound like you're on helium
So say hello to my ex at your next A.A. meetin'
And don't make me laugh
Oh wait, That's right
You don't make me laugh
You got the personality of an overpass
Your bank account on overdraft
While I'll be dippin' dollar bills in your girlfriends ass
I'm blowin' your brain like the sax
With my rhymes
Shapin' your ball like kojack
Throw jacks, and smokes
And tell jokes when no one laughs
Give a shrug and drop it on another track
This is a payback
Prepare for impact
Put on your retard helmet and you'll be intact
HOOO!
[Chorus]
I'm no comedian
I'm droppin' dope like this one
I'm no comedian
I'm droppin' dope like this one
I ain't no joke
Credits
Tom Green

Tom Green

About “I’m No Comedian” by Tom Green

Read the complete lyrics to "I’m No Comedian" by Tom Green from the album "Prepare for Impact". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"I’m No Comedian" is performed by Tom Green. from the album "Prepare for Impact" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "I’m No Comedian", explore more songs by Tom Green using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"I’m No Comedian" is credited to Tom Green. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"I’m No Comedian" appears on "Prepare for Impact".

Visit the Tom Green artist page at /artist/tom-green for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.