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Welcome Lyrics by Whitest Kids U’ Know

The Whitest Kids U’ Know

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[TIMMY, spoken]
Hello there, and welcome to the Whitest Kids CD. You're listening to me!
I want you to think of me not as a CD that you own, but as a friend that you can confide in. Your best friend.
We're gonna have so much fun together, and you can tell me all your thoughts and dreams, and I'll always be here for you. Whenever you're feeling blue, you can just put me on!
So, how was your day today? Yeah? Did ya have fun at school? Uh-huh? Really! They did! They did.
They think they're so fucking smug don't they. I bet they wouldn't be so smug if we brought a fucking gun to school. That would shoot the fucking smug right off their fucking faces, wouldn't it?
I bet they're talking about you right now. Well, guess what? We're talking about them! The only difference is that we're planning.
Where's your dad's gun? This is almost too easy. What we'll do is, tomorrow, right before first period, we'll- Oh! I think I hear your mom coming! Don't worry, I'll pretend that I'm a normal CD, I'll-I'll pretend to sing a song.
[TIMMY, singing]
London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down
London bridge is falling down, my-
[TIMMY, spoken]
Okay, the coast is clear, the bitch is gone. Now where were we? Oh yeah, murder. Wow, you and I are getting along great! I feel like we could do anything together.
Hey, I've got a crazy idea. While we're planning our murders, why don't you relax by masturbating? I'll even play some sexy girl sounds to help you out.
*Moaning begins and continues throughout*
Okay, first we'll need grappling hooks to get to the cafeteria roof. Keep masturbating. Then right as the kids are coming back from break through the quad, we'll propel through the skylight. Yeah! Keep masturbating. They'll be like fish in a barrel.
Oh, your mom's coming back! Put it away, put it away.
*Moaning pauses*
[TIMMY, singing]
London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down.
London bridge is falling-
*Moaning resumes*
[TIMMY, spoken]
Okay, she's gone. Hey, you know what feels really good while you're masturbating? Cutting yourself. Cut yourself with one hand while you jerk off with the other.
We're gonna kill everybody. It's gonna take forever. Yeah, that feels good, doesn't it? You know what else is gonna feel good? Watching the look of terror in your classmates' faces when we descend from the roof tomorrow morning, with our guns blazing!
Wipe your blood on the speakers! Wipe your blood on the CD tray! Cover me in your blood! OUR blood!
Hey, you know what else I bet is really awesome? Jerking off to dog sounds!
*Sounds of dogs barking, over the moaning*
Here, listen to these while you masturbate! Oh, yeah! Ah, that's good! Oh, that's- Your mom's coming! Ah-
*Dog barking and moaning pause*
[TIMMY, singing]
London bridge is falling down, falling down-
*Dog barking and moaning resume*
[TIMMY, spoken]
Okay, she's gone! All right, now finish on yourself. Finish on yourself! Ah, dogs and sexy ladies coming to a crescendo!
*Laughs*
Finish now! Ah! Ah! Ohhh.
*Dog barking and moaning suddenly stop*
Ugh, gross! You stupid little shit! I can't believe you actually did that! God, stop being such a follower all the time. Kids at school are right, you are a dickweed.
Credits
Whitest Kids U’ Know

Whitest Kids U’ Know

About “Welcome” by Whitest Kids U’ Know

Read the complete lyrics to "Welcome" by Whitest Kids U’ Know from the album "The Whitest Kids U’ Know". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music.

"Welcome" is performed by Whitest Kids U’ Know. from the album "The Whitest Kids U’ Know" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Welcome", explore more songs by Whitest Kids U’ Know using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Welcome" is credited to Whitest Kids U’ Know. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Welcome" appears on "The Whitest Kids U’ Know".

Visit the Whitest Kids U’ Know artist page at /artist/whitest-kids-u-know for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.