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The Rant Song Lyrics by Cast of Scrubs

Scrubs: “My Musical” Soundtrack

2007

[PATTI MILLER]
Dr. Cox, I'm not crazy!
[DR. COX]
Am I still singing?
[PATTI MILLER]
Singing like a bird
[JD]
[Bursts into scene]
Dr. Cox, huge news!
I pulled some strings
And got the parking spot right behind yours!
[Dances] Bumper Buddies!
[DR. COX]
Still, you're not neh-hearly as bad as her
Do you know how much you annoy me?
[JD]
[makes a motion of a “little bit” with his thumb and forefinger, which Dr. Cox then pushes open]
[DR. COX]
The answer is a lot
Should I list the reasons why?
Well, I don't see why…NOT
[Takes a deep breath from a patient’s oxygen mask]
[MUSIC TEMPO PICKS UP, TURNING INTO A PATTER SONG]
[DR. COX]
It's your hair
Your nose
Your chinless face
You always need a hug
—Not to mention all the manly appletinis that you chug—
That you think I am your mentor
Just continues to perplex
And, OH MY GOD, stop telling me when you have nerdy sex!
[JD]
[Spoken] Oh, by the way, last time Kim was in town, we got some appletinis and poured 'em on her good parts!
[DR. COX]
See now, Newbie, that's the thing you do that drives me up a tree!
'Cause no matter how I rant at you
You never let me be!
So I'm stuck with all your daydreaming
Your wish to be my son
It makes me suicidal!
And I'm not the only one
No, I'm not the only one...
[LIGHTS GO OFF, EXCEPT FOR A SPOTLIGHT ON THE JANITOR]
[JANITOR]
It all started
With a penny in the door
There was a hatred
I had never felt before
So now I'll make him pay
Each and every day
Until that moussed-haired little nuisance
Is...
No...
More
[DR. COX]
So now that is why I call you names like Carol, Jane, and Sue
Like Moesha, Kim, and Lillian
Suzanne and Betty-Lou
See, regardless of the names I pick
My feelings are quite clear!
You're a pain in every day
Of every month
Of every year!
[PATTI MILLER]
Dr. Cox, you gotta help me
'Cause I really am distressed!
Can't you find another option?
Won't you run another test?
[DR. COX]
If you want some kind of favor
—Really any kind of favor—
Please just get me peace and quiet from this Godforsaken pest!
[JD]
[Spoken] I think what my Bumper Buddy is trying to say—
[PATTI MILLER]
Shut your cake-hole, Mary-Beth
Or I swear to God
I'll shut it soon!
[DR. COX]
Congratulations
We'll schedule your test this afternoon
Hmph
Credits
Cast of Scrubs

Cast of Scrubs

About “The Rant Song” by Cast of Scrubs

Read the complete lyrics to "The Rant Song" by Cast of Scrubs from the album "Scrubs: “My Musical” Soundtrack" in 2007. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"The Rant Song" is performed by Cast of Scrubs. from the album "Scrubs: “My Musical” Soundtrack" in 2007 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "The Rant Song", explore more songs by Cast of Scrubs using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"The Rant Song" is credited to Cast of Scrubs. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"The Rant Song" appears on "Scrubs: “My Musical” Soundtrack" in 2007.

Visit the Cast of Scrubs artist page at /artist/cast-of-scrubs for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.