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A Letter to Santa Claus Lyrics by Larry the Cable Guy

A Very Larry Christmas

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Boy, I tell you what, a lot of times I used to write letters to Santy Claus and a lot of folks do. I found a letter I writ to Santy Claus a long time ago. Hope you enjoy. I don't remember what grade I was in, but, boy, it's a good letter
Dear Santy Claus
Sorry I missed seeing you last night, but I falled asleep watching Backdoor Stewardesses
Thanks for the stockingful of gummy boobs. My brother said they didn't make gummy boobs, but you sure did show him! I already done ate the nipples off of 'em! He said you was gonna fill my sock full of turds 'cause I picked on the class retard last year, but you showed him! Gummy boobs! He don't even know not even nothing
I hope you didn't hear Mom and Dad humping last night when you crawled down the chimney. Sometimes they get pretty loud. Dad's real fat and breathes hard so when he's all horned up, we don't get much sleep around here. Poor Mom. Sometimes, when they's going at it, sounds like he's trying to clean and jerk a small utility vehicle
Anyway, thanks for all the presents. Let me ask you something. Are all the elves, like, Willy Wonka Oompa Loompas or just regular-looking dwarves? I go to school with a dwarf. He's spookier than hell. He's a 3-foot 2-inch feller with a big-ass head. He's got, like, a regular feller head, just a small body. He's got enough head for three or four fellers. We call him Franken-dwarf and he gets all upset. He sounds like one of them chipmunks when he talks. I wonder if elves and dwarves have regular, big people turds or little itty-bitty midget Cocoa Puff-looking things. Figured you'd know 'cause you live with them elves and stuff and dwarves. You'd know all about it
Well, I gotta go
Larry the Cable Guy
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Larry the Cable Guy

Larry the Cable Guy

About “A Letter to Santa Claus” by Larry the Cable Guy

Read the complete lyrics to "A Letter to Santa Claus" by Larry the Cable Guy from the album "A Very Larry Christmas". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"A Letter to Santa Claus" is performed by Larry the Cable Guy. from the album "A Very Larry Christmas" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "A Letter to Santa Claus", explore more songs by Larry the Cable Guy using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"A Letter to Santa Claus" is credited to Larry the Cable Guy. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"A Letter to Santa Claus" appears on "A Very Larry Christmas".

Visit the Larry the Cable Guy artist page at /artist/larry-the-cable-guy for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.