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A Letter to Shania Twain Lyrics by Larry the Cable Guy

A Very Larry Christmas

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Last Christmas, I went up to Nashville for a little vacation. And, uh... Boy, I love Shania Twain. Boy, I tell you what... Boy, she makes me hornier than a retard watching Baywatch. But anyway, I writ her a letter in the hotel room. I had one of these nice fancy hotels, so I tried to seduce her and sent her this letter. This is my letter to Shania and she actually got this letter:
Dear Shania
You're finer than hell. I'd eat your turds. You think I'm kidding? (*whispers* I figured I'd charm her off the bat) I'd treat you like a prize-winning hog and give you the run of my homestead where I live down here, off the alligator-infested lake. Tell you what, they caught a big ol' 16-foot-long gator in that lake by me. That's right. We're talking world record gator. Tell me now you ain't got hard nipples. From our homestead. Tell you what, Shania, I ain't like them Nashville pussies. I'd treat you to all the best things life had to offer. Please call me
Here, I'm staying at the Chug-a-Lug Inn, across from that big muffler joint. Boy, I got me one of them wiggling beds. I tell you what, if you want, I'll splurge and borrow you a couple of quarters. Fifty cents will give you almost 10 minutes of bed wiggling. You know, vibrating. To let you know I mean business, Shania, bought dating you and all. And to let you know that I ain't know lowlife hard-up scumball
I have enclosed a couple of gifts in this fancy Chug-a-Lug Inn hotel envelope. That's right. There's a bunch of coupons for that real fancy Long John Silver's restaurant down the street. And let me tell you something. If you don't ever use that one coupon that's in there for extra hushpuppies, send that son of a bitch back, 'cause I might give that to my sister and her husband for their anniversary. There's also a Reagan bumper sticker in there and a bunch of Grits-N-Tits Git-R-Done lick-on tattoos. I had 'em made up special
I think you're fine. Now call me. Don't call after one o'clock though 'cause I'm usually on the phone talking to one of them 900 talk-dirty girls
Love in Christ
Larry the Cable Guy
Credits
Larry the Cable Guy

Larry the Cable Guy

About “A Letter to Shania Twain” by Larry the Cable Guy

Read the complete lyrics to "A Letter to Shania Twain" by Larry the Cable Guy from the album "A Very Larry Christmas". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"A Letter to Shania Twain" is performed by Larry the Cable Guy. from the album "A Very Larry Christmas" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "A Letter to Shania Twain", explore more songs by Larry the Cable Guy using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"A Letter to Shania Twain" is credited to Larry the Cable Guy. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"A Letter to Shania Twain" appears on "A Very Larry Christmas".

Visit the Larry the Cable Guy artist page at /artist/larry-the-cable-guy for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.