Lyrks
Lyrks
Lyrks
Cover Art

Couldn’t Keep the Pizza Lit Lyrics by Larry the Cable Guy

Lord, I Apologize

2001

Some girl was banging on my door the other day at four o'clock in the morning. I was like, 'What in the world?' You know? So I got up and let her out. Tell you what... I was madder than Janet Reno's blind date.
I met this guy a while back, looked like Shania Twain... only a little shorter, and, uh, face was different. I was drunk, it looked like Shania Twain. Next morning, Mark Twain is laying there next to me there, he- (laughs) She was ugly, now. I'd take her to Glamour Shots and get her an estimate. You know? She was- Yeah, she was ugly right there. She had marks on her from where people had been touching her with the ten-foot poles!
I don't like Miami too much though, there's a lot of drugs and stuff. I was down there. In broad daylight, car drive by, says, 'You want some cocaine?' I'm like, "No, officer."
I don't do drugs. I don't know what I'm doing. I tried smoking mushrooms once, couldn't keep the pizza lit, you know? So I quit doing that. I tell you, I was madder than a three-legged dog trying to bury a turd on an icy lake. I tell you what... tell you what.
Is it a ménage à trois if you make love to your girlfriend and the dog licks your hind-end? Would that be a ménage à trois, or...? (laughs) Now, that-
Lord, I apologize, for... talking about the dog licking my crack there, and... be with the starving pygmies down there in New Guinea. Amen.
I'm trying to teach my dog safe sex but he keeps licking off the rubbers. (laughs) That's funny! I don't care who you are, that's funny right there! If you don't think that's funny, you get out of here right now, 'cause... that's a good program right there. Preacher told me that joke. (laughs) That's right.
Git-R-Done!
Credits
Larry the Cable Guy

Larry the Cable Guy

About “Couldn’t Keep the Pizza Lit” by Larry the Cable Guy

Read the complete lyrics to "Couldn’t Keep the Pizza Lit" by Larry the Cable Guy from the album "Lord, I Apologize" in 2001. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music, Comedy.

"Couldn’t Keep the Pizza Lit" is performed by Larry the Cable Guy. from the album "Lord, I Apologize" in 2001 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Couldn’t Keep the Pizza Lit", explore more songs by Larry the Cable Guy using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

View all songs and biography for Larry the Cable Guy · Trending lyrics · Billboard Hot 100

Frequently asked questions

"Couldn’t Keep the Pizza Lit" is credited to Larry the Cable Guy. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Couldn’t Keep the Pizza Lit" appears on "Lord, I Apologize" in 2001.

Visit the Larry the Cable Guy artist page at /artist/larry-the-cable-guy for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.