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Teeth Lyrics by Mitch Hedberg

Mitch All Together

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I was getting my teeth whitened, but then I said, "Fuck that, let's get a tan instead." I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still got tartar, but that's just under control. If the tartar gets outta line, I'm like "C'mon man, you know the deal. Fall in, you crazy-ass tartar!" I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fish sticks in shit! That's- that's actually kinda gross, you know. After that joke, I always clarify that I'm just joking. I don't know how much tartar I actually have. I believe it's the average amount. If we all did a tartar test right now, my name would be right in the fuckin' middle.

I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick, that would be convenient. I can easily get a job with Mrs. Paul's. "Yeah, just put me in a boat with some empty boats. And I will return them to the freezer section of your neighborhood grocery store." You know that there's a fishing show on TV, they catch the fish but they let it go. They don't wanna eat the fish, but they do wanna make it late for something. "Where were you?" "I got caught!" "Bullshit, let me see the inside of your lip."

Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. You would not want to submerge your head, nothing but fish going "Ahhhh fuck! I thought I looked like that rock!"
Credits
Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg

About “Teeth” by Mitch Hedberg

Read the complete lyrics to "Teeth" by Mitch Hedberg from the album "Mitch All Together". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music.

"Teeth" is performed by Mitch Hedberg. from the album "Mitch All Together" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Teeth", explore more songs by Mitch Hedberg using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

View all songs and biography for Mitch Hedberg · Trending lyrics · Billboard Hot 100

Frequently asked questions

"Teeth" is credited to Mitch Hedberg. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Teeth" appears on "Mitch All Together".

Visit the Mitch Hedberg artist page at /artist/mitch-hedberg for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.

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