[RANDY, spoken] And welcome back to the first presidential debate. Mr. Trump, let's get back to what you were saying about Secretary Clinton's makeup. You mentioned she's been a little heavy on the eyeliner lately
[TRUMP, spoken] Is that okay? Good. [SNIFF] I want you to be very happy. [SNIFF] It's very important to me. [SNIFF] But, in all fairness to Secretary Clinton, [SNIFF] she's been doing this for 30 years
[RANDY, spoken] Do you need a tissue?
[TRUMP, spoken] What's happened to our jobs and our country and our [SNIFF] economy generally is, look, we are [NOSE HONK] twenty trillion dollars. [SNIFF] We cannot do any longer. I am very under leverage. I have a great company. I have a tremendous income. And the reason I say that is not in a braggadocious way, it's because...
[RANDY, spoken] Braggadocious? Is that even a word?
[TRUMP, spoken] I don't know. Maybe. Who knows
[RANDY] He's...Super calloused, fragile, egocentric, braggadocious
Likes to throw big words around and hopes that we all notice
If he keeps repeating them they just might make him POTUS
Super careless, fragile ego, extra braggadocious
Hum, are you really gonna vote for this guy?
Hmm, are you really gonna vote for this guy?
Um, are you really gonna vote for this guy?
Uh, are you really gonna vote for this guy?
He says that he's the man and thinks he's got the Midas touch
But does he have a plan to fix the country?
[TRUMP, spoken] Not so much
[RANDY] And if you're not convinced by all of that hyperbole
He says, shut up. Just buy a stupid hat and vote for me
Super careless, fragile - that's why Hillary's relaxed, this
Time Bill Clinton might as well sit back and play the sax, his
Wife erased her emails and now Trump wants total access
Then once hell has frozen over he'll release his taxes
Hum, are you really gonna vote for this guy?
Hmm, are you really gonna vote for this guy?
Um, are you really gonna vote for this guy?
Are you really gonna vote for this guy?
He found a word that sounded smart and used it all day long
But even Webster's dictionary said he got it wrong
So if you're undecided or you hate the other sex
Remember in November how he likes to sign his checks
It's super sleazy fabricating sexist and obnoxious
Even just the thought of voting for him makes me naseous
If you like America you'll keep him out of office
Superficial, chauvinistic, arrogant and thoughtless
Hum, are you really gonna vote for this guy?
Who the hell's gonna vote for this guy?
[RANDY, spoken] Of course, you can say it backwards, which is docious, brag-a-centric ego fragi-calla-stupid
[TRUMP, spoken] Did you ask me a question?
[RANDY, spoken] Nope, I didn't say anything
[RANDY] So when his words escape him and he hasn't got a prayer
He's feeling kinda dizzy 'cause he sucked up all that air
[TRUMP SNIFFS]
[RANDY] He'd better keep his guard up, because she may take a swing
[CLINTON, spoken] And you know what else I prepared for? I prepared to be president, and I think that's a good thing
[RANDY, spoken] Wait a minute, did you just hand him his ass and quote Martha Stewart? Yaas, bitch. Excuse me, I mean, Secretary Bitch
[RANDY] Super calculated, adolescent braggadocious!
If you hate both nominees, remember he's the grossest
[RANDY, spoken] Meanwhile, look at Jill and Gary, sipping on mimosas
[RANDY] Super callous! Fragile! Egocentric! Braggadocious!
[TRUMP, spoken] I think I did a good job. [SNIFFS]
[RANDY] Super callous! Fragile! Egocentric! Braggadocious!
[TRUMP SNIFFS]
[RANDY, spoken] Okay, you need to stop that
