[RANDY, spoken] Welcome back. I am joined now by an old friend, Donald Trump. President. Still? [sigh] Okay. You've had a rough week now. For about a year. Um, why don't we start with some of the most recent natural disasters?
[TRUMP, spoken] Hurricanes
[RANDY, spoken] Actually, I was talking about your breath and your hair
[TRUMP, spoken] We started with Texas and Louisiana. Don't forget, Louisiana got hit hard. And I went to Texas and I went to Louisiana and met the people and I think it helped. And we got very high marks. We got A+'s
[RANDY, spoken] Good boy!
[TRUMP, spoken] And then the following week Puerto Rico got hit. And, if you remember, it went in and out, in and out three times
[RANDY, spoken] Well, let's not get into your sex life just yet. Let's first talk about all the negative press you received when you returned from Puerto Rico
[TRUMP, spoken] Well, I will say this: it's fake news. There's nothing else you can say about it. One example, they had these beautiful soft towels. Very good towels
[GUITAR RIFF]
[TRUMP, spoken] And I came in and it was a crowd of a lot of people. They were screaming and they were loving everything and we were, I was having fun, they were having fun. They said, throw 'em to me! throw 'em to me, Mr. President!
[RANDY, singing] Screwing it up since the election
Completely devoid of introspection, yeah
You're more abnormal than your pumpkin-like complexion
Oh, you are
As artificial as your own toupee
You're offensive in every way
Think you're pretty special but you're just a phony, phony
Puerto Rico, Charlottesville and Kimmy Jong
Can't keep track of all the times that you've been wrong
Will the country still be here at the end of your four years
Baby I don't know if you'll last that long
[TRUMP, spoken] Right
[RANDY] How could we have chosen such a mental case?
Every day you devastate the human race
America, good luck, goodbye and sayonara
Bye-bye
I mean no disrespect but you're a big disgrace
And what is all that orange stuff that's on your face
Maybe you should finally just admit you are a
Desperate Cheeto
Upsetting everyone you meet-o
[spoken] Stop!
Reprimanding Puerto Rico
Throwing paper products at the people
Desperate Cheeto
Getting worse with every stupid tweet-o
Why you talkin' like you're from the street yo?
Go to your account and please hit "delete-o"
[TRUMP, spoken] Right
[RANDY] Oh!
You're the color of the sign outside the store that says "Home Depot"
You're a grabby braggadocious creep-o
And you're in over your head so deep-o
[TRUMP, spoken] Get that son-of-a ***** off the field!
[RANDY] Every time you open up your mouth the censors have to bleep-o
You even hate on freakin' Maryl Streep-o
And you're the reason that we cannot sleep-o
[TRUMP, spoken] It's fake news
[RANDY] You're so hopped up on your megalomania
I feel bad for Melania
The truth is right in front of ya
Stop smoking marijuania
The words that come out of your mouth make you sound like a dumb-dumb
Just stop saying words that make you sound like you're a dumb-dumb
On foreign matters you're an inefficient novice
Get out, get out, get out
Please get out of the oval office
Turns out your morality is lower than your jowls
Not to mention...eh, here
Have some paper towels
[TRUMP, spoken] We are also praying for the people of Puerto Rico. We love Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico
[WOMAN FROM THE AUDIENCE] We love you!
[TRUMP, spoken] We also love Puerto Rico
[RANDY] Desperate Cheeto
Always caught up in a web of deceit-o
Always pretending like you're not elite-o
Always look like you're about to trick-or-treat-o
Desperate Cheeto
Your hair's a mess, your face is always beat, though
Why ya pickin' on the poor athlete-o?
Why ya acting like you're on a TV show?
[TRUMP, spoken] You're fired!
[RANDY] Oh, You're the color of the sign outside the store that says "Home Depot"
You're a crabby unproductive creep-o
And you're in over your head too deep-o
[TRUMP, spoken] Get that son-of-a ***** off the field
[RANDY] Every time you give a ******* speech the censors have to bleep-o
Your spray tan looks so muy cheap-o
And you're the reason that we cannot sleep-o
[TRUMP, spoken] It's fake news
[RANDY]Desperate Cheeto
Getting worse with every stupid tweet-o
Don't know why your hands are so petite-o
You're upsetting everyone you meet-o
[spoken] Stop doing that
Desperate Cheeto
