Randy: Joining me now is "White Nationalist Weekly" centerfold and President of the United States, Donald Jessica Trump. Mr. President, you have a long history of using race and ethnicity as a political wedge, but it seems you have now gone full Archie Bunker
Trump: And yet, I won. And I'll win again
Randy: Calm down, bitch. Your Twitter attacks on four Democratic congresswomen of color incited xenophobic chants at a rally you recently held
Trump: That's very sad
Randy: But what's really sad is that your poll numbers seem to have gone up and, you know, you still have a strong support system. I mean, who the hell ARE these people?!
Trump: Uh, if you look at Twitter, I have millions and millions of people on Twitter
Randy: Ariana Grande has more
Trump: And I never get good press. I mean, I haven't - I used to get the best press. If you remember the old days when I was an entrepreneur, I used to get great press. Now I get, uh, because of what I stand for and what I represent
Randy: Intolerance, bigotry and the all-day breakfast menu at McDonald's?
Trump: And nobody's ever had, I think, 93% came out the other day, 93%, and I'm talking about stories that should be good, they make 'em bad....
[Verse 1]
You're freakin' crazy
Inhuman, merciless, extreme and unfiltered
And also lazy (yeah)
So I can't help but be just slightly bewildered
[Pre-Chorus]
That your followers stick with you
Whatever the hell you do
No matter how hard you screw 'em, they won't quit
Girl, your presidency's a mess
Your policies are B.S
But they let you get away with it
[Chorus]
'Cause they're suckers for you
I guess it pays to be conniving and cunning
'Cause they're suckers for you (yeah)
Keep blowing dog whistles and watch 'em come running
'Cause they're suckers for all of the
Criminal, shame-worthy things that you do
And they love all the mythical
Fake propaganda you spew
'Cause they're suckers for you
[Verse 2]
They've all been blinded
They think it's fine that you take climate change lightly
And they don't mind it (yeah)
That you have phone sex with Sean Hannity nightly
[Pre-Chorus]
They love your racist, sexist chants
Your monosyllabic rants
If you can't keep it in your pants, it's no big deal
You validate their hate and fears
And it's music to their white ears
And then they say "Hey, he's just being real!"
[Chorus]
'Cause they're suckers for you
When you say stupid things, they rush to explain 'em
'Cause they're suckers for you (yeah)
They should just shut up and go back where they came from!
(Atco, New Jersey!)
And all the subliminal, race-baiting bullshit you do
Is making it cool for your base to act criminal, too
Who knew?
So they're suckers for you
[Spoken]
Randy: And as we look ahead to 2020, I'm joined now by a very special guest, Sen. Lindsey Graham, circa 2015. LG, what's your take on Donald Trump and the rhetoric he uses to rile his base?
2015 Graham: They way he is conducting himself is contrary to the values I hold as a Republican and I think most of us accept as a nation, and I will not be part of this
Randy: Uh-huh, and if you'll excuse me senator, I'd now like to welcome a very special guest, Senator from South Carolina and Patty LuPone enthusiast, present-day Lindsey Graham
2019 Graham: Thank you
Randy: Lindsey, what is your take on Donald Trump's racist rhetoric?
2019 Graham: I think the president did a fabulous job at talking about this problem. He did it, uh, in a smart way and a compassionate way. Mr. President, you're the right guy at the right time. You can do it, nobody else has been able to do it, and I wanna help you do it
Randy: So awkward!
[Pre-Chorus]
They love your incoherent Tweets
The "hamberders" that you eat
They worship down at your feet like sewer rats
You could kick puppies 'til they cried
Or make Kim Jong-Un your bride
And they'd all still rock their MAGA hats
[Chorus]
'Cause they're suckers for you
And all the empty, broken promises you made
They're just suckers for you (yeah)
You got 'em thirsty and they're drinking your Kool-Aid
Girl, they're suckers for all the despicable
Things that you're putting us through (f*ck you!)
And they love how you stick up for gross, phony, criminal fools
Oh, like you!
'Cause they're suckers for you!
