[Intro, spoken]
Randy Rainbow: on phone I know, I know, I know it's crazy. Yeah, alright listen, I gotta go, but call me later
Trump: No, no, I'm not calling you
Randy Rainbow: on phone, addressing Trump Not you, sweetie
Addressing phone call Okay, alright, you too, bye
Trump: Are you ready?
Randy Rainbow: Yes, and thank you so much for joining me Mr.President. I hope you've been enjoying the holiday season so far
Trump: I will tell you I'm extremely upbeat. The white house is running like a...
Randy Rainbow: a defenseless young child being teargassed at the Mexican border?
Trump: ... well oiled machine
Randy Rainbow: Oh, mine was just an expression
Trump: It's doing really well. I have great people
Randy Rainbow: Speaking of criminals, this is a very big week for the Russia investigation
Thunder
Memos about Michael Flynn, Michael Cohen, and Paul Manafort, 3 high-profile defendants, are scheduled to be filed by special counsel, Robert Mueller
Thunder
Trump: It's a scam there is no collusion whatsoever and the whole thing is a scam
Randy Rainbow: Really? 'Cause word on the street is that you're getting pretty scared
Trump nods
Well, when anything bothers me or my entire family is about to be charged with treason, I try to think of nice things. I mean, there are so many things that make you happy
Trump: And there are certain things that I don't like
Randy Rainbow: Oh, let me think. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, destroying the first amendment, white nationalists, big fake tits
Trump: Is that enough?
Randy Rainbow: Brutal dictators and cold-hearted liars...
[Verse 1: Randy Rainbow, Trump]
Tyrants and traitors and climate deniers
Five dollar spray tans with under-eye rings
These are a few of your favorite things
Uh!
Burying tax returns after you file 'em
Tear-gassing migrants for seeking asylum
Big fat-ass buckets of fried chicken wings
These are a few of your favorite things
I did nothing wrong
Blue-collar workers all backwoods and beefy
Giant hamburgers with extra covefefe
Siding with Saudi Arabian kings
These are a few of your favorite things
[Hook]
When your friends flip
When your day sucks
And your hair looks bad (like right now)
Just blame all the victims and praise all the schmuks
And then you won't feel so sad
How long has this witch hunt gone on?
[Verse 2: Randy Rainbow, Trump]
KGB playdates and absolute power
Pornstars and playmates who charge by the hour
Puppets at Fox News who dance on his strings
These are a few of his favorite things
I did nothing wrong
Long-winded tweets with no spell-check corrections
Raking up forests and stealing elections
Facts that he fakes and fake bone spurs in slings
These are a few of his favorite things
There was no colusion whatsoever
Firing staff who won't come to his defense
Signatures on non-disclosure agreements
"Lock her up" chants like his base always sings
These are a few of his favorite things
[Hook]
When the Dems fight
When your friends lie
And when Mueller's close lightning
Just take a cold shower and have a good cry
And then you won't feel so gross
The news about me is largely phony
[Verse 3]
Judges who fly into partisan rages
Solar eclipses and children in cages
Hookers who pee on your face 'til it stings
These are a few of his favorite things
Fake news
Red MAGA hats that you had made in Taiwan
Smelling that "new wife" smell after you buy one
Lawyers who hide extramarital flings
These are a few of your favorite things
I think I'm doing a great job
People who cheer at your anger and meanness
Dreams about having a normal-sized penis
Hannity's voice on your phone when it rings
These are a few of your favorite things
[Hook]
When your life sucks (ugh)
Or for God's sake (girl)
When you're 'bout to snap
Take comfort in knowing at least you still make
The rest of us feel like crap
Fake news
Lightning
