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Ants Lyrics by Steven Wright

I Have a Pony

0

When I was a baby, I kept a diary.

Recently, I was rereading it and it said, "Day 1: Still tired from the move."

"Day 2: Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot."

I remember turning from one years old to two years old and I was real upset 'cause I figured in one year, my age doubled.

"If this keeps up, by the time I'm six, I'll be 90."

It was my birthday recently. For my birthday, I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put 'em in the same room and let 'em fight it out. Then, I filled my humidifier with wax. Now, my room's all shiny.

[long silence]

Right now, I'm having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time.

Friend of mine named Dennis. His parents are midgets. But he's not a midget. He's a midget dwarf. He's this big. He's the guy who poses for trophies

I used to work for the factory where they made hydrants, but you couldn't park anywhere near the place

I used to be a proofreader for a sky-writing company

I'm entering the strangest sweepstakes. It's a contest, you pay 50¢ and you get a little card that has a number on it. Then, you go up to any stranger and you scratch a penny on his head. If the number under there matches the number you have... you win $100. I won twice. I was beat up 11 times

I'm saving the money, though, 'cause I'm planning a trip to Spain, so I bought an album that teaches you the language. Put the album on, you put headphones on, you learn the language while you're sleeping. During the night, the record skipped. I get up the next day, I could only stutter in Spanish

When I go flying, I'm flying Air Bizarre. It's a good airline. You buy a combination one-way round-trip ticket. You leave any Monday and they bring you back the previous Friday. That way, you still have the weekend

I went to court for a parking ticket. I pleaded insanity. I said, "Your Honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?" Then, I asked him if he knew what time it is and he told me and I said, "No further questions."

I'm going to court next week. I've been selected for jury duty. It's kind of an insane case. 6,000 ants dressed up as rice and robbed a Chinese restaurant. I don't think they did it. I know a few of 'em and they wouldn't do anything like that
Credits
Steven Wright

Steven Wright

About “Ants” by Steven Wright

Read the complete lyrics to "Ants" by Steven Wright from the album "I Have a Pony ". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music, Comedy.

"Ants" is performed by Steven Wright. from the album "I Have a Pony " This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Ants", explore more songs by Steven Wright using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

View all songs and biography for Steven Wright · Trending lyrics · Billboard Hot 100

Frequently asked questions

"Ants" is credited to Steven Wright. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Ants" appears on "I Have a Pony ".

Visit the Steven Wright artist page at /artist/steven-wright for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.

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