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No Hair - Just a Red Head Lyrics by Larry the Cable Guy

Lord, I Apologize

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I always really get irritated when you go out to eat and stuff, you know. I took this girl out to eat a while back, we was at a nice place. I rolled the window up and the tray fell off and... and uh...
She's like, 'You got mustard on my jacket!'
I'm like, 'What the hell are you bitching about? I had to smoke 800 packs of cigarettes to get the jacket!'
Ungrateful, is what she was. I'd have been madder than a deaf mute playing bingo, getting bingo, and trying to holler out 'Bingo!' That's funny! 'B5.' 'Nga, nga!'
I ain't gonna get married, though. I thought I was once. I met this redhead... uh, no hair, just a red head... and, uh... Yeah, she burnt up in a trailer fire a while back there. Yeah, it was my fault. It was her birthday and I was lighting farts and... and, uh, she was a little too close to me and (whoosh) singed her eyebrows, her hair burnt up and she running around the trailer and caught the trailer on fire, and I called the fire department. They couldn't find us nowhere and we had to meet 'em halfway. You know... Good thing we run a couple red lights or we'd have lost the whole kitchen on that place there
My Grandma been married about 60 years. And, uh, she just died recently, 104, and, uh, but they saved the baby. (laughs)
Lord, I apologize for talking about my Grandma like that and be with the starving pygmies down there in New Guinea. Amen
But, my Grandma, she'd been married about 60 years, and I was asking her about marriage, you know? 'cause she ought to know, and we was talking the other day about an hour, you know. She's sitting there
I said, 'You think I ought to get married?' And you know what she said?
'Shut the door I'm trying to poop!'
You believe that? And then she kept talking to me with the door there
(making struggling noises occasionally) She's like, 'I don't understand why you wanna get married. You've only been dating that girl maybe two or three years at the most there.'
Dadgum. 'Why don't you drop the chalupa, and then come on out and talk to me? I mean, this is ridiculous!'
And that's the thing about relatives, you know? They don't care if you're in the toilet, you know. They just walk right in on you. I was in there the other day. [makes struggling noise] Here come my sister, barging in. "I gotta get my hairspray."
'...Hello? McFly, hello?'
Then she's like, '(sniff) Ugh, it smells like crap in here!"
'What do you think's coming out of my hind end? Twizzlers? Dadgum, you heard me (makes struggling noise) going like that, didn't you? What do you think I'm doing, lifting weights in here? Dadgum, I'm trying to drop a stink-pickle for Pete's sake. You are harder to understand than a harelip ordering Biggie fries, I tell you.'
Haha, that's funny!
'Can I help you?' 'Uh, wiggy fifes?' 'What the hell are wiggy fifes?'
Lord, I apologize for talking about the retard ordering wiggy fifes and be with the starving pygmies down there in New Guinea. Amen
Credits
Larry the Cable Guy

Larry the Cable Guy

About “No Hair - Just a Red Head” by Larry the Cable Guy

Read the complete lyrics to "No Hair - Just a Red Head" by Larry the Cable Guy from the album "Lord, I Apologize". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"No Hair - Just a Red Head" is performed by Larry the Cable Guy. from the album "Lord, I Apologize" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "No Hair - Just a Red Head", explore more songs by Larry the Cable Guy using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"No Hair - Just a Red Head" is credited to Larry the Cable Guy. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"No Hair - Just a Red Head" appears on "Lord, I Apologize".

Visit the Larry the Cable Guy artist page at /artist/larry-the-cable-guy for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.