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Alphabet Lyrics by Sam Kinison

Louder Than Hell

0

I like to help. You know, mine, I like to submit a plan to you that might be able to help. What you do, guys, is you lick the alphabet.

[audience member: 'The alphabet! Yeah!']

Lick that fucking alphabet! See, this man's going, 'Oh God, that's the Revelation! It's what was promised by Nostradamus! He will come into the Earth and speak of the alphabet! [roars]' *laughs*

Lick the alphabet, man! It makes you appear creative. It's an easy diagram to remember. It's like, 'Aaaa, Beeee, Ceeee...' She thinks you're from fucking Europe or something. She goes, 'Oh God! Where'd you learn that? Oh yeah!' You're going, '[sings] A, B, C, D, E, F, G...' IT WORKS!

Do it! And do plenty of capital T! On the big letter chart, this is the favorite letter. They love capital T. Out of all, 'Oh, more T! More T! Care for the T! Ugh!' 'I'm Mr. T! I pity the fool who [???] more T than me! [roars]'

I'm just trying to help, folks, okay? I'm just trying to do my- Oh yeah, Dr. Ruth can do it, but I'm a fucking asshole. Is that the game here? Dr. Ruth can spiel her wrinkled, gray, elephant-ass fucking psycho babble, but I'm out of line. I'm not creative. Where's a guitar and some fucking, uh, you know... sitcom impressions here. Is that what you want? Dr. Ruth. Do you hate her fucking guts or is it just me, huh? What a psycho bitch this woman is. I'm sorry.

'Take the man's penis...' When's the last time you saw a man's penis, Dr. Ruth? Do you remember? Can we have some clues? Who was president then, huh? Did we have cars yet or did you suck dick on horseback, Annie Oakley? HUH!? TELL ME! TALK TO ME, DR. RUTH!

Oh! Good sex with Dr. Ruth, now. When's the last time you made this noise, Dr. Ruth? [makes gagging noises] When I hear you swallow, Dr. Ruth, I'll buy the good sex show, okay? When Dr. Ruth comes on, guys, and goes, 'Tonight, we're gonna talk about [makes gagging noises].' I'll BLEED the good sex bits in, alright? Good sex with Dr. Ruth, Jesus.

I listen to her. I'm driving down the street. She goes, 'If the man's penis is too small to satisfy the woman, then it's perfectly acceptable for the woman to use a dildo or a vibrator and pleasure herself later after she has pleasured the man.'

So I'm listening to this psycho, fucking bullshit... 'pleasure herself later after...' Yeah, thanks, Dr. Ruth. That's real smart fucking advice. That's gonna pump the guy full of sexual confidence, huh? Trying to make love to the woman he cares about, she's going, 'Listen, when you're through there, Mr. Taco Toy here would like a shot at it, alright? You wanna plug it in on your way out the bedroom, Thumb Dick? LET'S GO! MOVE IT! Hope the grinding noise doesn't disturb my [???]!' [makes grinding noise]

Guy's in there, going, 'Yeah, thanks, Dr. Ruth. Thanks to you, my wife's fucking a lawnmower, you fucking...' You should go back to Häagen-Dazs and make milkshakes where you belong, huh?
Credits
Sam Kinison

Sam Kinison

About “Alphabet” by Sam Kinison

Read the complete lyrics to "Alphabet" by Sam Kinison from the album "Louder Than Hell". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music.

"Alphabet" is performed by Sam Kinison. from the album "Louder Than Hell" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Alphabet", explore more songs by Sam Kinison using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

View all songs and biography for Sam Kinison · Trending lyrics · Billboard Hot 100

Frequently asked questions

"Alphabet" is credited to Sam Kinison. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Alphabet" appears on "Louder Than Hell".

Visit the Sam Kinison artist page at /artist/sam-kinison for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.

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