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Bowling Song Lyrics by Stephen Lynch

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You watch me on your TV, say that my job is easy
Say I am not athletic, you think my sport's pathetic
But you can't judge me 'til you've walked a mile
In my bowling shoes...
So I don't get all the ladies, got a mullet from the 80's
I'm known throughout the valleys as the prophet of alleys...
And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm Almighty Malachi, the bowling god
The smell of rosin gets me high, kiss those fuckin' pins goodbye!
I'm Almighty Malachi, the bowling... bowling... god
Got a ball that's smooth and all black
I keep it in my favorite ball sack
I get a feeling in my soul as I finger every hole...
And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm Almighty Malachi, the bowling god
The smell of rosin gets me high
Kiss those motherfuckin' pins goodbye!
I'm Almighty Malachi, the bowling... bowling...
Not a single man will try to beat Almighty Malachi
All who challenge me are slain; come on fuckers, pick a lane
Marshall Holman and Gary Dickens, get in line for your ass kickins'
John Petraglia and Norm Duke; you're so lame, it makes me puke
Who amongst the pro-bowl sector dares to don his wrist protector?
Not that pussy Nelson Burton, tells me that his wrist is hurtin'
Hey Mark Roth, hey Earl the Pearl
Are ya' scared to give the ball a hurl?
How bout' Dickey Weber and his son Pete;
I'll turn the motherfuckas to Cream of Wheat!
And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm Almighty Malachi, the bowling god
The smell of rosin gets me high, kiss those fuckin' pins goodbye!
I'm Almighty Malachi, the bowling... bowling god!
Yeah, the bowling god...
Credits
Stephen Lynch

Stephen Lynch

About “Bowling Song” by Stephen Lynch

Read the complete lyrics to "Bowling Song" by Stephen Lynch. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"Bowling Song" is performed by Stephen Lynch. This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Bowling Song", explore more songs by Stephen Lynch using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Bowling Song" is credited to Stephen Lynch. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

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Visit the Stephen Lynch artist page at /artist/stephen-lynch for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.