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Quote Lyrics by Steven Wright

I Still Have a Pony

0

[audience cheers]

[announcer]
Good evening. Please welcome, from Boston, Steven Wright!

[audience cheers]

[Steven Wright]
Thanks

When I was a little kid, I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I died, I could say, "Unquote."

---

Lots of my friends have babies but I don't have any babies but I have lots of friends. Babies don't have any friends

They all have those baby monitors so they can hear the baby from the other room, which I consider a form of wiretapping

Someday, there's gonna be a really smart baby that makes a fake recording of some fake baby noises. Gonna crawl out the window and go to Italy

I need one of those baby monitors for my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what I'm really thinking about

Sometimes I talk to myself fluently in languages I'm unfamiliar with. Just to screw with my subconscious

It's a good thing a lot of people speak foreign languages. Otherwise, those people would have no one to talk to

---

When I was in first grade, the teacher told us that the president was married to the First Lady and all I could think of was, "Wow, I wonder if she ever saw any dinosaurs."

She tells about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel and that day, I went home. I was laying at the top of my bunk bed, looking at the ceiling and I'm thinking, "Why not?"

My brother's pushing the bed around. "Give me more aqua!"

I did Jesus and Santa Claus on a seesaw

I had Jesus on the low end even though He weighed less. 'cause He's Jesus

Jesus pissed off a lot of people, you know? "Will you stop turning the water into wine? I'm trying to take a shower."

What did Jesus ever do for Santa Claus on his birthday?

Don't think about it. It doesn't mean anything

You know, the New Testament is pretty old

I think they should call 'em the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament

---

You know when you look at a star, it may not even be there anymore 'cause it takes so long for the light to get from there to here? Maybe it's gone, it just looks like it's still there? That's how I see my old girlfriends

Imagine if lightbulbs worked like that

"I thought I told you to shut that light off."
"I did. It should be out by Friday."

---

The universe is expanding. That should help ease the traffic

---

Imagine Pulitzer Prizefighting. See two writers beating the shit out of each other

Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears

Imagine OshKosh straitjackets for little insane children. "Stay away from Jimmy."
Credits
Steven Wright

Steven Wright

About “Quote” by Steven Wright

Read the complete lyrics to "Quote" by Steven Wright from the album "I Still Have a Pony". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"Quote" is performed by Steven Wright. from the album "I Still Have a Pony" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Quote", explore more songs by Steven Wright using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

View all songs and biography for Steven Wright · Trending lyrics · Billboard Hot 100

Frequently asked questions

"Quote" is credited to Steven Wright. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Quote" appears on "I Still Have a Pony".

Visit the Steven Wright artist page at /artist/steven-wright for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.

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