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The Ballad of Stan Womble and Mrs Tuppens Lyrics by Sammy J & Randy

Sammy J & Randy’s Difficult First Album

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Normal: Sammy J | Italics: Randy | Bold: Both
[Intro]
Dance!
[Verse 1]
Stan Womble owns a Christmas tree farm
In Wantirna selling Christmas trees
He plows the paddocks, plants the crops
And charges very reasonable fees
Stan Womble
And in December, everybody calls him up
And wants to be his friend
Barbecue's and Christenings
And gift baskets and best wishes they send
To Stan Womble
And while he thanks them graciously
He knows that no one genuinely cares
'Cuz they just want a discount
On the Christmas trees he lovingly prepares
[Pre-Chorus]
But where were those invitations?
Where were the bottles of wine?
They weren't dropping by to say hello
[Chorus 1]
January through November
Sitting by the phone
(January through November)
Spends his weekends on his own
(January through November)
His only friends are loneliness and loss
'Till the sun shines in December
December
[Verse 2]
Mrs. Tuppens runs and shop
Called 'Mrs. Tuppens Christmastime Supplies
She stocks her shelves with tinsels, bubbles
Stockings, hats, and tasty Christmas pies
Yum, yum
And in the last month of the year
Her shop is full of Christmas cheer
With lots of people purchasing her wares
But Mrs. Tuppens knows it's only temporary
And nobody cares...
...about her
[Chorus 2]
January through November
It gets harder everyday
(January through November)
Since Mr. Tuppens passed away
(January through November)
She has to do the books alone
And accounting's not her strong point
Accounting
[Verse 3]
Stan Womble has to subsidize
His meager Christmas income with odd jobs
(Reading... clipping... mowing...)
Since Mr. Tuppens died
The garden's overrun with weeds and bugs and frogs
Endangered species
(*horselaugh*)
The hyenas are in...
He puts the notice in the milk bar window
Saying "Gardener for hire"
(Reading... clipping... mowing...)
Whilst buying milk and tampons
Mrs. Tuppens sees the number to inquire
Menstruation. Wow
They meet in the afternoon (Stan Womble)
He takes off his shirt to groom her garden
She watches from the window...
...and she brings him...
...a lemonade
[Verse 4]
Stan Womble spins around and says
"Ooh, Mrs. Tuppens, look what I found
It's a rose and I picked it for you."
She says, "My husband died."
He says, "Mine did, too."
He takes her hand
She looks away
He says, "Anything else you need doing today?"
She says, "I got a bush you can plow!"
"It's in the backyard..."
"...and I've also got a hairy vagina."
"Mrs. Tuppens, I wanna take you on a date."
"Stan Womble, I can hardly wait!"
"When are you free?"
"Well, let me see. I think I'm free..."
[Chorus 3]
January through November
They got married soon
(Yeah, January through November)
And when her tax was due in June
(Ah, January through November)
Stan said, "Leave your tax to me."
And he embezzled all the money from her trust account
And moved to Vanuatu
Stan Womble was...
…a tax cheat
Stan Womble
[Outro]
Thanks, dude's
Good on ya, champs
Credits
Sammy J & Randy

Sammy J & Randy

About “The Ballad of Stan Womble and Mrs Tuppens” by Sammy J & Randy

Read the complete lyrics to "The Ballad of Stan Womble and Mrs Tuppens" by Sammy J & Randy from the album "Sammy J & Randy’s Difficult First Album". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"The Ballad of Stan Womble and Mrs Tuppens" is performed by Sammy J & Randy. from the album "Sammy J & Randy’s Difficult First Album" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "The Ballad of Stan Womble and Mrs Tuppens", explore more songs by Sammy J & Randy using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"The Ballad of Stan Womble and Mrs Tuppens" is credited to Sammy J & Randy. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"The Ballad of Stan Womble and Mrs Tuppens" appears on "Sammy J & Randy’s Difficult First Album".

Visit the Sammy J & Randy artist page at /artist/sammy-j-and-randy for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.