Lyrks
Lyrks
Lyrks
Cover Art

Condoms Lyrics by Dave Attell

Skanks for the Memories

0

Never let a woman put a condom on you. Do it yourself, fellas. It's embarrassing.
'Oh, look! Oh, look! There's still more room! Hahahahahaha! We could tie it off and use it again and again, 'cause you've got a small penis. And I know 'cause I work with children.'
'Oh... Please, keep it down to a low. Please!'
Every man wonders about the size of their penis. Laying in bed alone at night or in a hammock with a parrot.
You start thinking, 'Do I have a small penis? Or just gigantic legs?' I don't know!
Luckily, there's a test. The first time you show it to your girlfriend or fiancé or press it up against a bus window or something...
When someonе sees it for the first time, you want a reaction. You want somе excitement! You want another language, if possible, like: 'Santa Maria! Ay, papi! Oh, no! Oh, no! Guard, let me out! Guard! I'll talk!'
That's good! But if someone looks at it and the first thing out of their mouth is: 'Awww, look at it!'
That's not good. Time to buy a Corvette.
Ladies, is it really the size of a man's penis that matters? Is it?
[multiple women yell: 'Yes!']
Well, the whores have spoken. The dirty, godless whores... who crank cock... have spoken.
Some women say, 'Yes'. Some women say, 'No, it's how he uses his penis. How he uses it.' What is this man doing with his magical penis? Is he building things and fighting terrorism?
'A gazebo? How did that get in here?'
'Don't thank me.'
What if a man has no penis but three balls and one of them lights up and plays a tune? Does he ever get laid? Do you fuck him for the story?
Credits
Dave Attell

Dave Attell

About “Condoms” by Dave Attell

Read the complete lyrics to "Condoms" by Dave Attell from the album "Skanks for the Memories". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music.

"Condoms" is performed by Dave Attell. from the album "Skanks for the Memories" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Condoms", explore more songs by Dave Attell using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

View all songs and biography for Dave Attell · Trending lyrics · Billboard Hot 100

Frequently asked questions

"Condoms" is credited to Dave Attell. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Condoms" appears on "Skanks for the Memories".

Visit the Dave Attell artist page at /artist/dave-attell for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.