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Drugs Lyrics by Dave Attell

Skanks for the Memories

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Let's talk about drugs now.
I used to do a lot of drugs, but that was way back there. And I'll tell you...
I took acid. Have you ever? Acid? Yeah. I took it with my friend Terry. He lives in my eyebrow.
We went to play miniature golf on acid. Putt-putt on acid. What a mistake! For three days, I thought I was the king of that little town. I was like, 'Hello! Hello, putt-putt people! You in the windmill, let me use your bathroom! Come on, you Dutch prick! Let me in!'
And like all good drug stories, it always ends with, 'Officer, the cuffs are hurting me.'
What's the most abused drug in this country? What do you think it is? Go ahеad.
[several people say: 'Beer!']
No. Aspirin! Aspirin! 'cause it works! It does evеrything! Headaches, right? Takes away the headache from the hangover. Thins the blood, it's good for arthritis. I think on the bottle of aspirin, they should just put what aspirin won't do.
'Aspirin won't bring a hooker back to life. So stop taking it.'
'Roll her up in the carpet! [squawk]!'
Mmm, I guess what I'm trying to say is I wanna have a family. I really want children! Not 'cause I like children. I just wanna name something, okay? I'd rather have a boat, 'cause you can name a boat. And a boat doesn't get in trouble like a child. It doesn't do drugs... or get arrested... or go away to Burning Man and come home and say, 'Daddy, I'm longer a boat. I think I'm a fairy.' It doesn't do that!
If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that will everyone want to say his name. I'd call him 'Pizza Pussy Santa'. I would! 'cause everybody likes one of those things.
Credits
Dave Attell

Dave Attell

About “Drugs” by Dave Attell

Read the complete lyrics to "Drugs" by Dave Attell from the album "Skanks for the Memories". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music.

"Drugs" is performed by Dave Attell. from the album "Skanks for the Memories" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Drugs", explore more songs by Dave Attell using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Drugs" is credited to Dave Attell. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Drugs" appears on "Skanks for the Memories".

Visit the Dave Attell artist page at /artist/dave-attell for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.