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Drinking Tips Lyrics by Dave Attell

Skanks for the Memories

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Drink it up, people! Drink it up! Yep!
Here's some drinking tips: never get drunk when you're wearing a hooded sweatshirt. 'cause you will eventually think there's someone right behind you.
Here's something else I've learned drunk: there's no way ever to talk your way out of wiping your ass on someone's pillow. Even if you yell, 'Surprise!' Own up to it. Be a man.
You ever black out whеn you're drinking, or as I call it, time travel? Yеah.
You're in a bar. You're drinking. You black out. You wake up. You're in another bar. You're drinking. You black out. You wake up. You're at McDonald's... working there about three years, still not assistant manager. You wanna quit, but you're banging that girl on the fryer later. They say she's retarded, but those titties ain't retarded! Oh... I'm sorry, is that an Eminem tune? I don't know! Yeah.
You guys are drunk too! This is good! Where are the drunks? Here? Where are they?
How about the potheads? Are the potheads around here? There you go. We finally meet.
The drunks and the potheads, they rarely get together, except on that show Blind Date.
Now, I'm a drinker, man. There's only one drink I don't like: eggnog. How did they think that up?
'I wanna get a little drunk but I also want some pancakes.'
You know what eggnog really is? You're not gonna wanna hear it, but I'll tell ya: Elf cum! That's what it is! You might as well pour it on your back and slap yourself on the ass. But I don't wanna tell you how to live your life, alright? You do what you do, alright?
All the great writers were alcoholics. Am I right? Hemingway, that other guy. Where are the great pothead writers? I'm sure they're out there, but do you really wanna read a whole book by a pothead? 500 pages on why if you put a hat and glasses on a dog, it looks like he could drive a truck? Nobody cares!
But I think pot should be legal! I do! And I think if your cousin is super hot, you should be able to fuck one time.
Alright, I took it a little too far. Sorry.
Credits
Dave Attell

Dave Attell

About “Drinking Tips” by Dave Attell

Read the complete lyrics to "Drinking Tips" by Dave Attell from the album "Skanks for the Memories". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music.

"Drinking Tips" is performed by Dave Attell. from the album "Skanks for the Memories" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Drinking Tips", explore more songs by Dave Attell using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Drinking Tips" is credited to Dave Attell. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Drinking Tips" appears on "Skanks for the Memories".

Visit the Dave Attell artist page at /artist/dave-attell for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.